Lao Zi said: “When the world adopts a common standard for beautiful, that’s ugly. When the world adopts a common standard of virtue, it is undesirable. Material and nonmaterial exist together. The word difficult existed because there are relatively easier tasks. Long and short are the results of comparison. High is relative compared to low. Sounds of different tones and volume levels are needed to make music. Something is in front because there is another thing following at the back. Naturally, one cannot exist without the other.” (天下皆知美之为美，斯恶已。皆知善之为善，斯不善已。有无相生，难易相成，长短相形，高下相倾，音声相和，前后相随。恒也。) You make the comparisons because of the desire to create distinctions between various things. You can use the manmade distinctions as temporary measures for analysis purposes, but you must not cling on to the measurements (of beautiful/ugly, good/bad, easy/difficult, long/short, high/low, etc.) lest you become bias to certain misconception or stereotype. “Easy” is only easy to some people; it can be “difficult” to other people. “Difficult” is only difficult now; the same problem can become “easy” at another time when you are older and wiser. Similarly, “beautiful” is not always beautiful; it depends on time and space. “Good” is not always good; it depends on time and space. If the misconception or stereotype of “good” and “bad” becomes ingrained in your mind, you may become arrogant and misjudge someone or some situations.
A flag is waving in the air. A man says: “The flag is restless.” Another man refuted and says: “No. It is the air that is restless.” The two then started debating. The fact is, it is the heart that is restless, not the flag or the air. If the heart is calm, both men would do better things rather than initiating the desire to distinguish whether the flag or the air is restless. Instead, both men try to create a “hard fact” in their minds, which is simply what they wish to be true; they corrupt their minds to become rigid and inflexible, with a set of rules which is considered right and another set considered wrong. You should rise above the preconditioning of right and wrong to see the truth more clearly.
Su Dong Po (苏东坡) practiced meditation together with a monk. One day, he asked the monk: “How do I look when I am meditating?” The monk said: “You look like the Buddha.” Su Dong Po was very happy. He said: “Thank you. But I think your meditation posture looks like pile of shit. Ha Ha Ha!” The monk laughed for the joke. Later, Su Dong Po told his sister about the incident. He said: “I won!” The sister said: “You have lost pathetically. The monk said you looked like the Buddha because his heart was pure and he only thought of the Buddha. You said the monk looks like a pile of shit because your heart was impure and you only thought of a pile of shit.”
Most people love Confucius but at the same time dislike Confucians. Confucius has an image of being a compassionate and loving old teacher who tried very hard to bring world peace in the chaotic era of the Warring States period. He persevered to preach his belief in compassion and righteousness although he knew he would fail. Confucians on the other hand give people the impression of nasty old men who always put up an angry face like the fighting cock. Confucius advocated compassion and righteousness as the qualities for individuals to improve themselves. The incentive for individuals to attain the qualities is to have the desired inner beauty. The individuals can then be recruited by the king as government ministers. Confucians on the other hand view compassion and righteousness as precious things to possess, and they want everybody to believe that they have the qualities. To create that kind of illusion, they will let everybody knows that they hate people who are lack of compassion and righteousness, as if they don’t have lacking in those qualities. In other words, they are bluffing. They further coerce everybody to show compassion and righteousness, hence the fighting cock look which upset everybody. They are intolerant of differences and diversity. They are big bullies, which is the opposite of the truly compassionate and loving old teacher that they try to emulate; so ironically.
Xi Shi (西施) was a beautiful girl. Even when she was sick, from the way she put her hand on her chest and furrowing her eyebrows, she still looked beautiful. There was an ugly girl in her neighbor. She emulated the way Xi Shi put her hand on her chest and furrowing her eyebrows. When people see her, they all run away. Confucians may have some artificial compassion, but the way they look without the essence (得其形而不得其神) will make people run away from them.
Confucius said: “If a person in high position insists he is right and everybody must follow what he said, and he demands everybody to act decisively according to his instructions, he is just a little man.” (言必信，行必果，经经然小人哉！) Confucians want to promote Confucianism, but their misconception and actions often create damages to the school of thoughts. When you demand your children to obey your instructions, for their “own good” of course, you are acting like you are so sure you are right; you are being arrogant and judgmental. If you are always mindful that you may be wrong, and what you think is right may be the opposite, you will be able to show more humility. You will not be too worried about your children’s action or inaction.
The actions of believers in the name of their religion often create damages to their religion rather than expanding the influence of the religion. Yet they think they know the truth and they are doing the right things. They coerce everybody to follow their lead and act decisively according to their instructions.
Words that bring happiness to people don’t have to be delivered by coercion; and it doesn’t matter who said the words. Believing that God is benevolent, to us at least, is always the first reason we make friend with God. Unfortunately, we sometime get carried away and believe in words that were put into God’s mouth and carry out malevolent acts on people of other “tribes”; including different “tribes” of the same religion. Every religion was a religion of peace, until it is not. It isn’t God’s fault; it is the fault of “tribe leaders”. Religions are not bad things; they often bring more good than bad.
The biggest barrier to our understanding of the truth is our mental preconditioning. When we try to find the reasons for certain issue, we try to understand the truth through the lens of our personal past experiences, our world view, our belief about morality and what we wish to be true. And this put us in the position where we are more interested in picking and choosing those parts of reality that fit with our world view and discarding those that do not. We are arrogant and judgmental. We choose to be imprisoned in years of misconceptions and stereotypes.
RESILIENT KID 