People who believe they are superior are always looking down at the world. The world looks ugly to them, and that makes them angry. A person is angry because he has a lot of fear. He isn’t brave. He fears his wealth is not enough; he fears he doesn’t have enough time; he fears his project is not making good progress; he fears his workers are not putting in 100% of their energy to make money for him; he fears his employees are cheating and stealing his money; he fears his spouse is unfaithful; he fears he is not respected; he fears his reputation is tainted; he fears his favorite fruit becomes so expensive that he cannot afford to buy and eat it; he fears people become so different (LGBT, for example) from him and make him wants to throw up; he fears the society will become chaotic and his personal safety is not 100% guaranteed; he fears the Heaven is going to fall down soon.
Confucius said: “A person who looks serious and fierce outside, but actually feels fearful inside, is like a little man. Isn’t he similar to a thief who breaks the wall, careful but feeling afraid of getting caught?” (色厉而内荏，譬诸小人，其犹穿窬之盗也与？) “A real gentleman always looks enthusiastic (fun, friendly, sociable and emotionally expressive). A little man always looks worry and angry.” (君子坦荡荡, 小人长戚戚。) A big man has a big capacity to tolerate differences (大人有大量); a little man only wants everybody to tolerate him, or respect his sensitivity and never enrage him. A big man will gives way (谦让) to others; a little man only wants everybody to give way to him. You don’t have to be rich to be a big man. In fact, rich people are often little men; they always want something from everybody instead of giving and forgiving. People who cannot give way to others often have a lot of fear; the fear comes from desires in that they are GREEDY (贪) to get something, or HATE (嗔) to see/experience something, or having delusion (痴) about something (such as seeing certain exotic hobbies as highly desirable and other things as inauspicious), therefore fear of losing things like face, fame, money, time, energy, beautiful things, delicious foods/drinks, or lavish lifestyle.
Practicing compassion and righteousness is supposed to be for self-improvement and self-interest. Naming and shaming (耻) someone for the so-called “improper behaviors” is a tactic for “collective interest” of having a set of uniform codes of good manners. Shaming someone is an act of coercion or bullying. Feeling ashamed for having “improper behaviors” (but doesn’t infringe on the rights and liberty of anyone) means falling into the traps of the bullies and becomes a victim of the uniform codes of good manners. It is foolish to feel ashamed for being different. The greatest prison people live in is the fear of what other people think.
Let go of yourself. Don’t put on any responsibility on your shoulder. What you may have come to accept as your responsibility as parent, son/daughter, spouse, employee, employer, citizen and leader is actually imposed on you through “education”, or brainwashing to be exact. You don’t have to comply with any codes of morals and ethics. You can free yourself. But you may want to be loved. And the only way to be loved is to be generous. Generous in giving (money or care) means you give as you are happy to give, rather than feeling you are obligated to give, like a debt and the implied responsibility to repay. You need to build up your capacity to give loves (like the capacity to give money). You will then be “rich” and able to give without hesitation. You will have no fear and no guilt if you have no expectation for any outcome. Like planting a seed, you cannot expect to get good fruit, although you are hopeful. Apart from watering and fertilizing, the Heaven (i.e. weather) and Earth (i.e. soil and pests), and the Dao (i.e. method and timing), also play important roles in determining the outcomes. Don’t feel disappointed if your hope doesn’t come true; it wasn’t your fault or responsibility. It is just a dream.
People who tell you to be selfless are selfish. They don’t love you but someone else. They want you to have no self, so that you sacrifice yourself for someone else. If you listen to them, you don’t love yourself or you love yourself less, who else will love you? Of course, you can choose to be selfless for your greatest selfishness, but not on anybody’s terms.
Confucius said: “Intelligent individuals have a fondness for water, and compassionate individuals have a fondness for mountain. Intelligent individuals know how to adapt to changes (like water reshapes to its environment), and compassionate individuals like to keep quiet (like mountain). Intelligent individuals are happy, and compassionate people will have long life.” (知者乐水，仁者乐山；知者动，仁者静；知者乐，仁者寿。) “A person who is calm, loving, tolerant, and quiet will live long.” (方苞： “气之温和者寿，质之慈良者寿，量之宽宏者寿，言之简默者寿。故仁者寿。”)
RESILIENT KID 