Many people like to have a horse as pet. They think a horse is non-violent compared to tiger. Actually, it is quite dangerous if you don’t know much about the behavior of a horse. There was a man who loved his horse very much. He was so devoted in taking care of the horse. He used a basket to catch the poops and used a beautiful seashell to catch the pee of the horse. One day, a blood-sucking fly was sucking blood on the horse’s body. The man walked quietly near to the horse and beat the fly. The horse got a shock and kicked the man. He was killed instantly. Be careful with what you give to your friends. Some people may not appreciate your good deed; they mistaken it as something bad. In the end, what you get in return is something undesirable. Having no friend is better than having one friend who can kill you.
Drought causes the lake to become dry. The fishes are trapped on the land. They compassionately spit saliva to moisturize each other. The compassionate behavior is not a cause for admiration; instead, it is a dire situation. It was better when the lake was full of water and the fishes swim freely without the need for compassion from fellow fishes. In other words, when the concept of compassion is promoted in a society, it means the society has a serious lack of self-reliance; everyone needs or wants helps from everybody else. How much better if all your friends live well and don’t need compassion from anybody? Earth provides enough to satisfy every man’s needs, but not every man’s greed. We can learn from Mother Earth (《周易·坤》：君子以厚德载物) and help everybody who needs help; but not those who simply WANT help as opposed to NEED. Some people are just not contented with what they already have. The Capitalist way of personal greed can destroy the Mother Earth and leads to deprivation of many things, including compassion. Both rich and poor will lose the capacity to show compassion, therefore nobody receive compassion. It is best to control our desire so that compassion is everywhere likes the abundant of oxygen which we breathe it without thinking it is a precious thing. Humans will have a kind of “photosynthesis” capability where we breathe compassion at one time and synthesize compassion at another time. Compassion will not disappear if we are not greedy for compassion; some people assume it is their right to receive compassion, while some people assume it is a duty to express compassion. The Communist/Socialist way of robbing Peter to pay Paul will also lead to deprivation of compassion; because the desire for compassion is too much and cannot be fulfilled by the short supply of compassion. Contentment is what everybody needs, including Capitalist and Communist/Socialist. Breakneck economic prosperity (and Hedonism) is not essential; mass poverty (and Asceticism) is also not necessary.
There was an eight-foot tall sea bird with beautiful feather like a phoenix. When the King of Lu State heard of its arrival at the capital city, he sent his men to bring the sea bird to the palace. The King arranged a solemn reception, called for musicians to play the royal symphonies, slaughtered cattle and offered the best wine to the sea bird. Dazed with symphonies, the unhappy sea bird died of despair. Zhuang Zi said: “The solemn way to receive the sea bird used by the Lu’s King is the way he wishes to be treated. Anyway, it’s the wrong way. He should use the way in which the sea bird wishes to be treated instead. The wrong way kills the bird.” Don’t do unto others what you don’t want others to do unto you. There is nothing wrong about this teaching from Confucius. However, “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” is not necessarily right. Compassion needs not mean offering the “best” thing to all your friends, especially when they don’t need it. Different people have different needs.
How to make good choices when it comes to friends? Buddha said: “If the one who does no wrong follows one who is evil, he himself will be suspected of evil. And his reputation will decline. According to the friends one makes, according to whom one follows, so does one becomes. Like one’s associates one becomes. Follower and following, toucher and touched alike; an arrow smeared with poison infects those arrows that are not poisoned, so that all are fouled. The upright person not wishing to be soiled should not keep company with the fool. If one strings a piece of putrid fish on a blade of kusa grass, the grass will smell putrid too; the same with one who follows the fool. If one wraps frankincense in an ordinary kind of leaf, the leaf will soon smell sweet too; The same with one who follows the wise. Remembering the example of the leaf wrapping and understanding the results, one should seek companionship with the wise, never with the fool.” One should also vow to become a wise person so that he deserves to have wise companions.
Confucius said: “There are three types of advantageous friends and three types of disadvantageous friends. Friends who are upright and speak truths, friends who are sincere and forgiving, friends who have much knowledge and like to learn, are advantageous friends. Friends who have strange behaviors (bad temper, fussy, hard to please, weird hobby, etc.), friends who have no character (no strength in a person’s nature, always follow the opinions of others, relying on others, doesn’t point out your mistake, etc.), friends who flatter (insincere, talking behind someone’s back, etc.), are disadvantageous friends.” (益者三友，损者三友。友直，友谅，友多闻，益矣。友便辟，友善柔，友便佞，损矣。)
Confucius said: “The little women and little men are hard to please. If you are too close to them, they will start to show disrespectful behaviors. If you distant yourself from them, they will start to show resentments.” (唯女子与小人难养也，近之则不逊，远之则怨。) Some children (like little women or little men) will misbehave when the parents are too soft or friendly with them; they will be obedient, but not without fuss, when the parents are angry or not so friendly. Some adults don’t deserve to be treated like an adult; especially for those who assume it is their right to be pleased by their friends.
Confucius said: “A smooth talking person with artificial smiling face is seldom a compassionate person.” (巧言令色，鮮矣仁！) A person who likes to flatter and sweet-talk others is obviously insincere. You must stay away from him as far as possible. A morally upright person doesn’t talk too much. He doesn’t smile because he is firm; not because he is proud to be standing on a moral high-ground (泰而不骄).
Confucius said: “A gentleman’s priority is justice; a little man’s priority is benefit.” (君子喻于义，小人喻于利。) A person who weighs justice above benefit is a gentleman to befriend with. A person who only calculates the financial benefits in all matters is a little man to be avoided. “A gentleman thinks about being benevolent and appreciates the ethical behaviors of someone (or the government); a little man thinks about gaining/losing ground and doesn’t care about ethics. A gentleman thinks about doing the right things and not ends up getting punishment; a little man thinks about getting financial benefits (from someone or the government) and has very little hesitation to take risk or commit a crime.” (君子怀德，小人怀土。君子怀刑，小人怀惠。)
RESILIENT KID 