Confucius said: “When there is someone whom you can talk to but you don’t talk to him, you lose the opportunity to befriend him. When there is someone whom you shouldn’t talk to but you talk to him, you waste your words on the wrong person. An intelligent person will not miss a chance to befriend someone good and also not talking to the wrong person.” (可與言，而不與之言，失人；不可與言，而與之言，失言。知者不失人，亦不失言。)
Guan Zhong (管仲) (725-645 BC) was a chancellor and reformer of the State of Qi. Bao Shu Ya (鲍叔牙) was his best friend since childhood. Guan Zhong said: “When I was poor, Bao and I were partners in a business. In the profit sharing, I always took a bigger share. Bao didn’t think I was greedy because he knew I was poorer. Once, I had devised a plan to solve Bao’s problem. However, the plan didn’t work but caused more problems to Bao. He didn’t think I was stupid because he knew success depended on luck too. I became a government officer three times and sacked three times. Bao didn’t think I was useless because he knew I didn’t get in at the right time or met the right superior. I went to battlefield three times and ended up running away three times. Bao didn’t think I was a coward because he knew I must keep my life to look after my mother. I was one of the advisors of Prince Jiu in the failed attempt to take over the throne. Many other advisors committed suicide but I chose to be arrested and endure the humiliations in the jail. Bao didn’t think I was shameless because he knew I am not ashamed of failure. He knew I was only ashamed of not being able to help the country to achieve great success. I mustn’t sacrifice myself over a small failure and temporary tortures. My parents gave birth to me but Bao was the only person who knew me well.”
Bao Shu Ya was the closest confidante of Duke Huan, but he recommended the Duke to appoint Guan Zhong as the chancellor of Qi State while he took a lower position. There were many intelligent individuals like Guan Zhong in the history but very few could be like Bao Shu Ya who could see the talent in someone. When Guan Zhong was terminally ill, Duke Huan asked whether Bao Shu Ya could take over as the chancellor. Guan Zhong said: “Bao is a very clean and straightforward person. He looks down on people who are not like him and doesn’t want to be anywhere nears them. When he occasionally hears about bad behavior of someone, he will remember it and dislike the person forever. He is not a suitable candidate to become the chancellor.” When Bao later heard the comments about him, not only he wasn’t angry but said happily: “This is the reason why I recommended Guan Zhong as the chancellor in the first place. He is selfless in the sense that he doesn’t give special favor to someone he loves. He doesn’t practice favoritism. If I become the chancellor, many little men will be executed or lose their jobs.”
There are many people who don’t understand you. Do you understand and love someone? There are many people who don’t deserve your friendship. Do you deserve the friendship of someone? Stop talking about what a good friend should be but start being one. Let us love each other in deeds and not in words.
The best companionship is when two persons who are already feeling self-fulfilled within themselves come together and appreciating that sense of wellbeing in the other; rather than expecting the other to supply the sense of fulfillment which he/she doesn’t feel on his/her own. A team player must be a spiritually independent person before he/she can make contributions to the team. Genuine love is about helping someone to feel happy. If you cling on to someone because you need him/her to make you happy, that is just attachment. The more you grasp something, the more you are afraid to lose it, and the more you will feel sad when you eventually lose it. Nothing is permanent, so is the thing that you try to grasp tightly. Love and attachment are very different feelings. More attachment doesn’t necessarily mean more love for someone. More love for someone doesn’t necessarily mean more attachment.
RESILIENT KID 