A monkey trainer asks his monkeys: “Starting today, I will give you three bananas in the morning and four in the evening. Is that OK?” The monkeys are angry and make a fuss over the plan. The monkey trainer then changes his plan and say: “What if I give you four in the morning and three in the evening?” The monkeys are all pleased. The monkeys still get seven bananas in total. The monkey trainer loses nothing when he changes the plan. People like to argue over which way is better, although the outcome is almost the same. The outcome can only be different due to something else. The monkey trainer has enough sense to recognize that the monkeys have irrational reasons of their own for wanting four bananas in the morning. He chooses not to stubbornly insist on his original arrangement because he knows the different plans do not affect the substance of his arrangement. He doesn’t waste time demanding that the monkeys try to be “more reasonable” about it when monkeys are not expected to be reasonable in the first place. If we insist firmly and demand everyone else to be “reasonable”, we become the unreasonable. We should outsmart the monkeys and not become monkeys ourselves. Stay focus on what we want to achieve and let the monkeys have their way if we have nothing to lose.
Zhuang Zi was a poor man. One day, he went to borrow some rice from a friend who was a tax collecting officer. The friend said: “OK, but I have not much money now. I am going to collect taxes from the people. After that, I can lend you three hundred gold coins.” Zhuang Zi said: “Yesterday, on my way to here, I heard a voice calling for me. I turned around and saw a fish in the dry drain by the roadside. It could talk, and it said: “Can you please give me some water?” I said: “No problem, but I have not much water now. Let me go to the Southern country and ask the king to build a canal which can channel the water from the river to this place and bring you back to the sea.” The fish was angry and said: “You may as well go to the shop which sells dried fish to look for me tomorrow.” Irrespective of whether a problem is big or small, the best solution is the reasonable one at that moment of time and not necessarily the perfect solution which can only be implemented later. Some people would insist on strictly following the rules. Even if they agree that the rules are not helping the people in need, they would choose to remain helpless. Until and unless the rules are changed by the authority, they would not make exception (通容).
Zhuang Zi was poor but not unhappy. An intelligent person may not become rich due to the chaotic society (道), the unfavorable time (天) and place (地) he lives in, although he has the intelligence and knowledge (人) to become a great leader. However, Zhuang Zi was successful simply because he was free and happy. The fact that he became a celebrated person for many thousands years, even though the time and place he lived in were unfavorable, was secondary. Confucius said: “Being poor but not toady, being rich but not proud, are not better than being poor but happy, and being rich but polite and compassionate.” (子贡曰：贫而无谄，富而无骄，何如？子曰：可也，未若贫而乐，富而好礼者也。) The priority of a truly intelligent person is spirituality and inner wealth, not external or financial wealth. Confucius said: “Yan Hui, my favorite disciple, is supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! With little food and water, and living in a small house at the slum, most people would feel extremely depressed with the poverty. However, Yan Hui is able to stay happy and never change his attitude towards being financially poor but spiritually rich.” (贤哉回也！一箪食，一瓢饮，在陋巷，人不堪其忧，回也不改其乐。) You can lose everything including your arms and legs but you must never lose your happiness.
Having the power to do certain things doesn’t mean you must exercise that power. You should focus on the objective of having that power, and the greater good in exercising the discretion. Compassion is a highly regarded moral value, don’t you agree? Having the rights doesn’t mean you must exercise those rights; you should exercise compassion instead. You don’t have to punish someone just because you have the rights. Forgiveness is a highly regarded moral value, don’t you agree? Everyone makes mistakes; forgive them when possible (得饶人处且饶人). Lao Zi said: “Knowing you have the strength of the male but choose to behave like the female, and act like the water stream of the world. Acting like the water stream of the world, therefore the people is blessed with benevolence and return to the state of non-violent like the baby.” (知其雄，守其雌，为天下溪；为天下溪，恒德不离；恒德不离，复归于婴儿。) When you are in the position to express compassion and forgiveness, it is a happy feeling. The person who received the compassion and forgiveness will also feel happy. What goes around comes around. In the end, everybody gets to enjoy the benevolence. It is not about trying to be regarded as a good person.
Confucius discussed with Lao Zi about compassion and righteousness. Lao Zi said: “Seagull is white not because it takes a bath every day. Crow is black not because it soaks in black dye every day. Black and white colors are natural properties. Therefore, you can’t say white is good, or black is bad. Using compassion and righteousness to distinguish good and bad persons are inappropriate. To the individuals who understand the Dao, the mistake that you make is similar to saying white is good and black is bad.” You must see and understand things as they really are, not as you wish them to be. In Buddhism, it is called the “Right View” (正见) in the Noble Eightfold Path (八正道). If you focus on the positive side (i.e. what you wish to see) of a person, you will probably see him as a good person (正). If you choose to focus on the negative side (i.e. what you don’t wish to see) of a person, you will then see him as a bad person (邪). The reality is you can’t characterize him as a good or a bad person. The same goes for plan and method to achieve an objective. Sunny plan (阳谋) is a plan that is transparent to all. You must tell everybody about the plan with no secrecy in order for the objective to be achieved. Dark plan (阴谋) is a plan that must be kept secret, like a company secret. The objective can only be achieved if the plan is not exposed. If you focus on the objective of the plan, there is no good or bad about both Sunny plan and Dark plan. Dark plan is not exclusively for The Dark Side. If you focus on the objective of all rules, there is no right or wrong about following or violating the rules. Thick skin on the face (厚，i.e. shameless and no guilt) and dark heart (黑，i.e. unforgiving against the demons and devils) are also not exclusively for the Dark Side.
Yue Bu Qun (岳不群) and Zuo Leng Chan (左冷禅) are two competing leaders of a Holy Alliance (正派) to fight against an “evil” religion (邪教) led by the Undefeatable-in-the-East (东方不败) who imprisoned his former supreme leader, Ren Wo Xing (任我行). In order to be regarded as good persons, obviously both Yue and Zuo pretend to show compassion and righteousness in the public eyes. They demonize the “evil” religion and basically all “immoral” behaviors and actions. Behind the scene, they both do all sort of evils to become the Head of the Holy Alliance, stabbing each other’s backs, and also thieving to obtain many self-serving interests. They would stoop so low as to do something reprehensible beyond anyone’s imagination. Both the Holy Alliance and “evil” religion are wolves with different skins. In our society, there are many wolves who don’t pretend to be good humans. They are actually less dangerous than the wolves who pretend to be good humans.
What is good and what is bad? What is right and what is wrong? All human’s distinctions are false. Loving yourself and others is definitely not wrong. Doing everything for your own happiness without harming anyone is definitely not wrong (不邪). Harming others for your own desire is definitely not right (不正). Don’t be a bad person, and don’t pretend to be a good person.
Both Buddha and Lao Zi teach us to have no desire (无欲). When you have no desire, naturally you don’t want to compete (不争) because winning is never your aim; working hard for a good cause (正精进) is a spontaneous behavior and not a stressful strive for great achievement (无为). But Buddha also teaches us not to grip strongly on anything, including the concept of no desire (破空执). For Lao Zi, nothingness means no intervention but not limited by the nonintervention principle (无为而无不为). No-desire and no intervention are the final destination. The real nothingness has no limit; like the Mother Nature, there is nothing I would or wouldn’t do (to reach the final destination). Being no desire is the fundamental principle, like a rule; break it if necessary. The Mother Nature has no desire for anything, and no feeling for anything, but it still rains and does many other things naturally. You will feel that it is magnanimous if you feel grateful; you will feel that it is malevolent if you feel ungrateful. All the while, it is your heart which is restless, when you think about whether the Mother Nature loves you or hates you (自做多情). You may think the Mother Nature will not react to what you do, but it always reacts in its own way (天之道，不争而善胜，不言而善应，不召而自来，繟然而善谋。天网恢恢，疏而不失). Learn from Mother Nature, feel the Force, and do as your heart tells you to do, so long as you stay on the path of happiness without making mistakes (能从心所欲，不逾矩), and “escape from the cycle of birth and death” as Buddha suggested. Stay happy all the time and express unconditional love (慈) naturally. One who has unconditional love will be able to be courageous (慈故能勇).
RESILIENT KID 