Table of Content: HOW TO RAISE A RESILIENT KID: I AM NOT RIGHT BUT THAT’S OK
The King of Song’s State dreamt of a head covered with long hairs sticking through the window into his room. The man told the King: “I am a messenger sent to meet the God of the River. Unfortunately, on my journey, I was accidentally caught by a fisherman.” When the King waked up, he asked a fortuneteller to interpret the dream. The fortuneteller said: “The messenger is a fairy of turtle.” The King sent a few officers to find the fisherman and saved the turtle. The King asked the fortuneteller: “Should I let it go or kill it?” The fortuneteller said: “Kill the turtle and use its shell for fortunetelling.” Henceforth, the turtle was sacrificed. The shell was used for fortunetelling and the results were accurate for a straight 72 rounds in succession. Therefore, the Sage commented: “The fairy of turtle could go into the dream of the King to ask for help but couldn’t escape the net of the fisherman. It has the ability to tell fortune accurately for a straight 72 rounds in succession, but it couldn’t escape the knife of the King. This ability is just cleverness and not intelligent.” Cleverness will get you killed, whereas intelligence will save your life because you know the danger of fire and don’t dare to play with it.
The God of the River asked the God of the Sea: “What is good about learning the Dao?” The God of the Sea said: “Understanding the Dao, you will always be able to react quickly and correctly to the situational changes of the Nature. You can then avoid any dangers from harming you. A forest fire can melt the metal. A massive flood can drown many living things. A person who knows the Dao will always be able to save himself.” You need to know how to save yourself more than how to save the world. Don’t worry about the world; it is more resilient than you think. You can do no good to the world if you are dead.
Once, Zhuang Zi was wandering at a farm. He saw a cicada on a tree, forgetting itself and ignorant of the danger around. A mantis was raising its arms to catch the cicada. The mantis was concentrating on its prey, forgetting that it had exposed itself. A bird took the opportunity and prepared to catch the mantis. Zhuang Zi aimed his slingshot at the bird. Suddenly, he became alert and said: “Oh no! People tend to become ignorant of the danger when benefit is presented to them.” He quickly threw away the slingshot and ran away from the farm. The security guard at the farm saw a man running. He thought the man was a thief who was trying to steal the fruit at the farm. So, he chased and shouted at Zhuang Zi. After getting home, Zhuang Zi was emotionally disturbed for three days. His disciple asked: “Why are you feeling unhappy these few days?” Zhuang Zi said: “I was aiming my slingshot at a bird and became ignorant of the danger to myself. Consequently, I was mistaken as a thief who was trying to steal the fruit at the farm. I’ve made a big mistake.” When people chase for benefit, they often lose the self-conscious about the danger around. We must remind ourselves not to make the same mistake.
The King of Wu’s State went for hunting at a hill. When the monkeys saw strangers, they all ran and hid deep into the forest, except one. That special monkey was not afraid of humans because it was very skillful in jumping from one tree to another swiftly. The King shot many rounds of arrows at the monkey but it could easily avoid getting hit each time. The King then ordered the accompanying soldiers to all aim at the monkey and shot their arrows at the same time. Needless to say, the monkey was killed. The King said: “The monkey was very skillful. However, it lost its life because it liked to show off its skill.” Although you can use your intelligence to overcome the problems that you face, it is best not to show off your special ability too often. When you are overwhelmed by too many problems which are intentionally thrown at you, any amount of intelligence will not be enough to save you. Lao Zi said: “Make light reflection becomes soft and not sparkling. Let dust settles into places. Make sharp edges become smooth. Avoid creating chaos. This is the best equalization.” (和其光，同其尘，挫其锐，解其纷，是谓玄同。) Blend together with the surrounding, smoothen your sharp edges, and don’t attract attention. Follow the norms and rules of the society, live harmoniously with the community (外化), but never let your inner-self to be eroded and become a common folk who is imprisoned by the societal norms and rules (内不化). Be sociable and have a rounded personality (外圆), but never at the price of breaking your principles (内方).
There were at least four times Confucius went to Luo Yang to meet Lao Zi. Lao Zi taught Confucius many things. In one of the meetings, when Confucius thanked and bid goodbye to Lao Zi, he was given two advises. In the first advice, Lao Zi said: “The classics you are studying and teaching are mostly written by the ancestors. They are already dead; even their bones had already decayed. What they have left to you is only their waste matter and not what was in their minds. You should not regard their words as some sort of unbreakable dogma.” In the second advice, Lao Zi said: “A good merchant does not show his goods but pretends that he has nothing. A man of utmost virtue is very simple and looks like a fool. You should get rid of your pride, greed, ego and high ambition; as those things are bad for your mind and body.” Confucius then left with a thankful heart. He returned to his place and always praised Lao Zi. He said: “I know fish can swim but they will be hooked by the fisherman. I know birds can fly but they will be downed by the hunter’s arrows. I know beasts can run but they will drop into human’s nets and traps. But I cannot understand the dragons because they can fly into the sky and stay in the clouds. I have recently met Lao Zi and he is like a dragon; so deep… so profound…”
RESILIENT KID 