Table of Content: HOW TO RAISE A RESILIENT KID: I AM NOT RIGHT BUT THAT’S OK
During Chinese New Year and other festive seasons, the people love to have fun lighting up fireworks. However, all the dogs will tuck their tails underneath their belly and shivering uncontrollably in their hiding places. Don’t you feel funny and pity for their fearful behaviors? What is there to be afraid of? You may tell them that the light and sound will not cause any harm to them; unfortunately, they will not be able to understand it. They will still feel afraid year after year although they know full well that the light and sound have never hurt them. They continue to feel fearful because they never learn from the experience; they have the knowledge but not intelligence.
Some people are afraid of dark because they associate darkness with the presence of ghost. Don’t you feel funny and pity for their fearful behaviors? What is there to be afraid of? You may tell them that there is no ghost in this world; unfortunately, they will still believe otherwise although they have never seen a ghost. They will still feel afraid year after year although they know full well that no ghost has ever harmed them. They continue to feel fearful because they never learn from the experience; they have the knowledge but not intelligence.
Some people are afraid of death, and prefer not to talk about it. They will still feel afraid year after year although they know full well that nobody has ever live forever. They continue to feel fearful because they never learn from the experience; they have the knowledge but not intelligence. Don’t you feel funny and pity for their fearful behaviors? Sickness and death are parts of life. Feeling afraid will not change the reality. Why then do you want to feel afraid? It is a waste of energy. Your shadow will follow you around whether you like it or not. Hating and trying to run away from your shadow will leave you breathless. Why don’t you turn your attention to something else and stop looking at your shadow?
According to Buddha, (1) the lives of most people are full of sufferings. (2) The sufferings are due to desires which are not fulfilled. (3) One is freed from all sufferings when he let go of the desires. (4) Everyone can do it, by walking on the right path. This is known as the Four Noble Truths. The Noble Eightfold Path can help you let go of all the desires and therefore negate the sufferings. The first step is to have the Right View: to recognize and accept that life is full of sufferings (although there are occasions of happy moments too). You must see and understand reality as it really is, not as you wish it to be. If you wish to have long life and no sickness, you are not facing the reality as you should. If you wish to have no pain in your life, you are not being realistic. Conversely, if all these desires are negated, you will be expecting sickness and death instead of trying to run away from these natural phenomena. You will feel blessed for being healthy most of the time, and the duration of you being in the state of sickness is just a small percentage of your lifetime, and you are lucky enough to die only once. If you choose to inflict distress on yourself by feeling fear, sad, angry, guilty about past mistakes, or worrying about the future, even during healthy times, you are choosing to suffer most of the time in your lifetime. Physically living for a hundred years means you have a short meaningful life if you are suffering most of the time. Physically living for ten years means you have a relatively long meaningful life if you are happy most of the time.
The longest living person in the history lived for 800 years. (Coincidently, Master Yoda also lived for 800 years or so.) There is a type of bug which is born in the morning and dies in the night. It cannot comprehend the concept of one month. There is a type of cicada which is born in the Spring and die in the Summer, or born in the Summer and die in the Autumn. It cannot comprehend the concept of one year. There is a type of turtle where 500 years is like a Spring season; another 500 years is like a Summer season to it. There is a type of tree where 8000 years is like a Spring season; another 8000 years is like a Summer season to it. The bug and cicada have short lives; they cannot comprehend the thinking of the turtle and the tree as far as longevity is concerned. To the bug and the cicada, longevity more than a few years is simply impossible or unbelievable. Similarly, an 800-year-old human is considered having a really short life as far as the turtle and the tree are concerned. Isn’t it laughable if you consider that as longevity? It doesn’t really matter whether you live for 100 years or 10 years; Anybody who claim to have longevity is simply fooling himself (or having a shallow mind) and choosing to ignore the longevity of the turtle and the tree.
Being not afraid of sickness doesn’t mean you don’t look after your health. Being healthy is essential for your happiness. Being not afraid of death doesn’t mean you have to jump down the mountain cliff. Killing yourself is not bravery but plain stupidity for abandoning your future happiness. You had nothing, not even your body, before coming into existence in this world. Everything you have is a bonus; you get to enjoy it like the bank does in the business of safe keeping and investing the deposits of the customers. You don’t really lose anything when the customers withdraw all their deposits. You shouldn’t feel unhappy; instead, you should feel happy to have gained so much profit in the past out of someone else’s deposits. You should feel contented.
Don’t ask what if you get sick but prepare to face it. Nobody is 100% healthy. Expecting perfect health and no illness at all is judgmental. Thinking negatively and worrying that your health will worsen cannot bring any improvement. Instead, the depressing thoughts will worsen the illness and also cause clinical depression (major depressive disorder) if you allow these thoughts and feelings to grow out of control. The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. Get help if necessary. Take medications and drugs prescribed by qualified doctors and stop worrying about the side effects.
Think positively. Not every illness needs to be cured with medication; you can usually heal yourself. Not every illness needs to be cured; it may not kill you. You can sometime live with the illness, and die with the illness, instead of dying of the illness. That doesn’t mean you don’t take care of your body. You must eat well, sleep well, exercise well and have good hygiene in order to maximize your happiness; but don’t be afraid to eat anything. Some people live well although they smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol, and drive fast cars. They must be thinking: “Nothing too bad will happen to me.” I am not sure whether they are being too positive. Too positive necessarily means lack of criticality. Being too positive may be equally undesirable as being too negative. You must find a balancing point for yourself. Let intelligence guides you on what to eat or not to eat; and let intelligence guides you to have no fear in making good decisions as well as bad ones.
Sicknesses are changes to your body by the Nature. Whatever happened to the body need not be associated with unhappiness. As long as your mind is still functioning properly, it is possible to stay happy as if the body doesn’t belong to you. Your body, including your brain organ, is like a vehicle to facilitate the functioning of the real you which is your mind; you don’t have to feel unhappy when your car breaks down. If your mind is not functioning, your body will not work even if it is 100% healthy.
RESILIENT KID 