Buddhism

Table of Content: HOW TO RAISE A RESILIENT KID: I AM NOT RIGHT BUT THAT’S OK

Many Buddhists are not monks or nuns and live ordinary lives. What aspects of Buddhism do you think help people live happily in life and help others to do the same?

I think most people are attracted to Buddhism because of the spirit of love; you can call it the loving kindness energy of Buddha. It is probably the same for Christians and Muslims, that they are attracted to the religions because of the spirit of love. Love makes us happy. The happiness is boosted when we are loved.

I am not a monk. I love my wife and two children very much. I think they are the best things that ever happen to me in my life. I am happy because I can love them and they accept my love without any question. (If you do that to someone else, he/she may suspect you are up to something no good, even if you are a monk.) I am happy when they are happy. There is nothing else I want from them, although their love will boost my happiness. I don’t want to die, I am keen to live, but I have no regret if I die tomorrow. I have loved, and I have been loved. Most people want something in return when they do something. Some parents think their children owe them a lot. They don’t realize how fortunate they are to be able to love someone and to be loved. Some people only want to be loved but they don’t express any love to anyone because they are unable to feel happy loving someone; it is really a disability. They have a lot of suffering in their heart because they always feel unhappy, waiting to get something, to be loved, or for someone to make them happy. This is due to greed or craving. Some people cannot love and cannot feel loved because they have a lot of anger, hatred or aversions; they don’t like this or that, and they don’t like this person or that person. Some people cannot feel happy because they have a lot of delusions; they don’t like the reality which they see but want it to be the way he likes to see. They are ignorant of the fact that the world is perfectly imperfect, and there is nothing we absolutely must change, although we can choose to change something for the fun of it. They are angry that some countries are not democracy, or some people are not free to riot against the government. They assume the people are oppressed by the government although foods and clothing are plentiful. They think they have the obligation, moral standing, authority, and ability to do something. And they must do it instead of the people themselves. They don’t care whether the outcome will be worse than the present. The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. They are just causing themselves to suffer and doing nothing good for the world. The Buddha said these are the three types of fire (greed/craving, hatred/aversion, and delusion/ignorance) which must be extinguished in order to achieve the true Enlightenment.

When I was introduced to Buddhism, I was told that the Buddha loves me and he wants me to be happy. He wants absolutely nothing from me. He advises me to love everybody like he does, expect nothing in return, because that is the best way for me to be happy. If everybody waits to be loved and no one wants to provide love, there will be no love to go around for everybody to swim in it. If you overcome your disability to love, you will feel like you have learnt to walk without a crutch. This is one aspect of Buddhism which helps people live happily in life and help others to do the same. I just want you to be happy. If that happiness includes me, that is great. If it doesn’t, I just want you to be happy and wish you success walking on the path of happiness.

The Buddha emphasizes self-help, and never waits for anyone to help you. It is very different from the belief in God of other religions. In fact, Buddhism is more like a philosophy than a religion. Therefore, it is sometime very hard to practice for some people. Ordinary people have a lot of fear. They feel they are weak and need someone or God to save them. They need someone to comfort them. They cannot accept it if you advise them to learn the way to save themselves. Like what other religions do, you don’t want to scare them away because you love them. Therefore, the way Buddha taught the monks was different from how he talked to ordinary people. It is a matter of whether you are ready to hear the Truth. For example, Gautama Buddha talked about how Amitabha Buddha, a celestial Buddha in the West Heaven, vowed to bring everyone home if he/she calls out for him before the last breath of his/her life. Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva vowed to transform into various forms to save everybody everywhere in the world and foregone his opportunity to become a Buddha. Politicians vowed to save the people if they are elected. It is not wrong if the people like to hear it. These are neither truth nor falsehood. It is like marijuana or pain killer which some people may need although it doesn’t really cure the illness. The Buddha teaches us not to judge what is right and what is wrong. The only thing which is wrong is to make yourself unhappy. Right is wrong if it causes chaos; wrong is right if it creates harmony. Start living and stop thinking too much about what will happen in the future. Stop disparaging religions for giving false hopes to the believers. If religions bring them peace and happiness, make them non-violent, who are we to judge that they are wrong? Why are we making ourselves suffer unhappiness in terms of sadness or anger about other people’s lives which have nothing to do with us? Love and attachment are two different things. Love means you want them to be happy. Attachment means you want them to make you happy; often by making them obey what you say or do what you expect them to do, as if they are your properties. The stronger you grasp, the harder it is for you to let go. If you have no attachment, you will never feel sad or angry for losing something or someone. We never really lose anything, because nothing really belongs to us.

Gautama Buddha never set out to save the world. He was trying to save himself from the suffering of life in terms of physical pain, aging, illness, sadness, anger, jealousy, anxiety, depression, etc. He only wanted to find the way to escape being reborn into this world again and again to suffer the same cycle of birth and death. After he attained Enlightenment, he didn’t want to preach anything to anybody. His former companions who sought for Enlightenment begged him to help them achieved their endeavor to escape the cycle of birth and death. In the first sermon, the Buddha presented the Four Noble Truths. According to Buddha, (1) the lives of most people are full of sufferings. (2) The sufferings are due to desires which are not fulfilled. (3) One is freed from all sufferings when he let go of the desires. (4) Everyone can do it, by walking on the right path. Ordinary people cannot see the obvious truth because they put a defective lens in front of their eyes. They think that having no desire is torturous; you can’t have this and that. It is a torture if you are forced to have no desire. It is a relief if you choose to have no desire. When you have no desire, every little victory can make you happy, simply because it exceeds your expectation which is zero expectation. As a free soul, you can also choose to have a little bit of desire from time to time if you choose to do so. You can stay on the island of perpetual happiness; but you can also choose to swim in the bitter sea from time to time so long as you don’t swim too far away from the shore. It doesn’t make sense for a monk to have so much desire to become the supreme leader that he wishes to be reborn again and again, to sit on the throne each time he is reborn. It doesn’t make sense for a monk to work as a CIA agent and risk the lives of others just for him to return as the supreme leader, in the name of freedom but not the essence. It doesn’t make sense for a monk to worry about the future and assume he is the only one who can bring a better life to the people. Having good intention doesn’t automatically give you the right to meddle with the lives of others; definitely not at the cost of creating a “sea of bloods” from thousands but not from yourself. Whatever happens is the work of Karma. There is a reason why you are suffering or enjoying life now. Nothing is permanent. Joy can turn into disaster, and sadness can make you appreciate happiness. Don’t desire to save the world; save anybody whenever and wherever you can (随缘). Buddha cannot help anyone who doesn’t destine to receive his help; no one can defy Karma. Live happily and help others to do the same, but not imposing your belief on others. Your help may cause more suffering to others and yourself if you simply don’t have the right ability to help. If everybody saves himself/herself and nobody needs to be saved by anybody else, the world will be a Heaven. The best benevolence is no need for benevolence.

Some religious fanatics practice Dominion Theology, seeking to institute a nation governed by Christians/Muslims based on their personal understandings of biblical laws. They assume they are right and everybody else who disagrees with them is wrong. They may have good intention to save the people and their religions, because they think a person can only be saved or worth saving if he/she obeys the biblical laws. Everybody else can go to hell. They have no hesitation to bomb the villages and kill millions of innocent civilians whom they don’t know personally whether they are good or evil. And then they pretend to care about them or freedom of religions. They think religious terrorists must be allowed to practice their religious belief so long as it is not in their home country. I don’t believe this is the original teaching of the prophets. The fundamental of all major religions is always about compassion and never about hatred. All these competitions for believers (whether it is about religions or democracy/communism ideologies) are so silly. If you like to think that you are right, and you need to be right, you will get hurt when someone says you are wrong; you will hurt someone when you say he/she is wrong. If you want to be not right, so long as you are not wrong, no words can hurt you anymore; and you will not go around hurting someone by accusing him/her to be morally wrong. You will feel so liberating. You can read my blog if you want to learn more. HOW TO RAISE A RESILIENT KID: I AM NOT RIGHT BUT THAT’S OK I just want you to be happy. There is nothing I want from you or anybody.

Is there any religious law that Buddhists must obey? Anybody is welcomed to be a Buddhist, and free to leave. You can even go back and forth. The Buddha just wants you to be happy. No ceremony is necessary; no fees are charged except voluntary donation in the smallest amount which you can afford. You don’t have to be a monk. You just need to vow to follow the Five Precepts as best as you can. The five are (1) no killing, (2) no stealing, (3) no lying or malicious talk, (4) no sexual misconduct, and (5) no intoxicant. If you are a butcher, don’t kill more than you have to. Tigers are not sinful because they never kill more than they can eat. In fact, sin is not a concept in Buddhism. The Buddha advises us to follow the Five Precepts for our happiness. Violating the Five Precepts will simply boost the fires of greed, hatred, and delusion in our hearts. Then, we will never reach the island of perpetual happiness, because we are swimming in the opposite direction. It is called Akusala Karma or moral quality which is bound to result eventually in suffering. Fear, obligation and guilt are not good for our mental health; but these are effective tools that the government can use to control the people and maintain social order. We must always do good things because we want to, not because we have to. Be a good person instead of just not a bad person because you are afraid to be punished by the laws. We should make Kusala Karma or actions which are bound to result eventually in happiness and favorable outcome. Cause and effect are natural phenomena; no one can change the Law of Nature. Instead of not killing, why not save some lives? Instead of not stealing, why not make some donations? Instead of malicious talk, why not say something sweet or useful to help others feel happy?

Buddhism is well received in China because it resonates with Chinese philosophies. Anybody is welcomed to be a Chinese, and free to leave. Everybody can become a Chinese

Compassion is the highest virtue of Confucianism. Compassion here means unconditional love. (樊迟问仁。子曰：“爱人。”) Confucius himself dared not say that he had achieved that highest virtue. He said: “There are three attributes for one to be considered a gentleman. I am unable to achieve those. A compassionate person is never worried; a wise person is never fooled; and a courageous person is never afraid.” (子曰“君子道者三，我无能焉，仁者不忧，知者不惑，勇者不惧。”)

Lao Zi said: “There are three important principles that I uphold with determination: the first is unconditional love for others; the second is thrifty, emotionally and financially; the third is dare not compete to become a world leader. One who has unconditional love will be able to be courageous. One who is thrifty will be able to reach out more widely. One who dares not compete to become a world leader will be able to lead the accomplishment of various tasks. If we abandon unconditional love but only behave courageously; abandon thrifty but still try to reach out widely; abandon compromise and stay behind but be the first to start a fight; we will face great danger. A leader with unconditional love for his people will be able to win when he goes to a war; have a sturdy defense against aggressors when he set up a defensive wall. When the Nature wants to fortify something, it will use unconditional love to sustain it.” (我恒有三宝，持而保之：一曰慈，二曰俭，三曰不敢为天下先。慈故能勇，俭故能广， 不敢为天下先，故能成事长。今舍其慈，且勇；舍其俭，且广；舍其后，且先；则必死矣。夫慈，以战则胜，以守则固。天将健之，如以慈垣之。)