HOW TO RAISE A RESILIENT KID: I AM NOT RIGHT BUT THAT’S OK
Whenever people talk about Taoism, they think of Tao Te Jing by Lao Zi. However, most people tend to misunderstand the content. Meng Zi 孟子 is considered the second best Sage of Confucianism. In Taoism, the second best Sage is Zhuang Zi 莊子. He had written much more words than Lao Zi. However, his writing is in the form of parables and very interesting to read. Chinese scholars have for 2000 years regarded his writing as the best literacy work which no one has ever surpassed. All the famous poets in the history were influenced by him. Anyone who really want to understand Taoism must first read the writing of Zhuang Zi.
The most important Chapter of Zhuang Zi is 逍遥游 or wandering freely with immense happiness. This is the reason Taoists in the history were known to wander around the country without purpose and having fun all the time. They were also known to have funny, not serious but crazy behaviours, naughty or even cunning but just for fun and not for personal gain, clever and informative. While they were wandering, seemingly without purpose, they were learning everything they came across; again, just for fun and not for personal gain. They wished to learn from the sea which absorbed all discharges from all the rivers, clean or dirty, to become gigantic. They didn’t judge anything as good or bad; just accept everything and use/apply the appropriate “tricks” at the right time and space. Nothing is considered absolutely right or wrong, useful or useless. They were known to be able to read the future and often earned their living as fortune-tellers. Because of their vast knowledge, they often helped people in need to overcome problems free-of-charge and never asked for reciprocation. Historically, many Emperors who have troubles with warlords also sought helps from Taoist masters who typically very well-versed with Arts of War, not just Sun Zi Art of War. After that, they went back to seclusion or started wandering around again. They never wanted to be career politicians.
They were playful, like children and always playing. They wished to stay young, physically and mentally, forever; the best of which is to become a baby again. Taoist masters were known to look young and have long life, some were rumoured to live a few hundred years. They didn’t really crave for long life but their way of living, always peaceful and happy, moderation in eating and other sensual pleasures, doing a lot of breathing (Chi Gong) and exercises (Kungfu), naturally led to long life. It was not what they consciously wanted nor averse to. It is natural. They didn’t see the body as the self; having no self made them have no fear, obligations and guilt (FOG). In Taoism, we say “The greatest selfishness is selflessness”.
Most people want to be right and want others to behave in the right ways. They “naturally” “think” they are right. They are neither natural nor thinking. They feel unhappy when they are wrong or not right. They also feel unhappy when they see others behaving in the wrong ways or not the right ways. They also feel unhappy when the Nature is not cooperating and the reality changes not according to what they wish to see. They have trouble accepting reality, so they always have to do something for the sake of doing something, regardless of whether it is right. Their hearts are easily moved by others and their emotions disturbed. They have no equanimity and are not calm, but yet they want to be the ones who make decisions. They have a lot of desires, the worst of which is the desire to be right. The secret to happiness and success is actually: wanting to be not-right. Seek to be imperfect instead of wanting perfection. It’s OK to be not-right, so long as you are not wrong. The only thing wrong to do is to make yourself unhappy.
RESILIENT KID 