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Many people like to think they are right. They will challenge you for a competition or debate. They want to make you feel sad when you lose, but they make themselves feel sad when they lose. You are unwise if you accept their challenge; your happiness doesn’t have to come from their defeat, and you have no obligation to be the source of their happiness when you are defeated (夫唯不争 故莫能与之争). Competition is unnecessary; it is better if everybody works together for mutual good, or just improves oneself without thinking about winning against anyone. Competition is warranted only if it is for fun where no one feels sad when he loses. The competing members need not become enemies but partners in improving the sport. Confucius said: “A gentleman will not compete with anyone for anything. The only competition is archery. Each competitor will bow to the audiences and competitors before rising to the stage, and he will say cheers with a cup of wine when he comes down. This is the gentleman way of competition.” (君子无所争，必也射乎！揖让而升，下而饮，其争也君子。” A gentleman will learn the archery skills, but doesn’t mind about winning or losing. The way to serve the country and your personal wellbeing should be like archery: just shoot it and don’t worry about hitting the target or not, but take the process seriously with meticulous attention to detail; very careful and precise. (非独射也，为国与身亦皆如之。故圣人不查存亡，而察其所以然。)

Confucius said: “Using a tile as the bet, an archer has no mental burden; therefore, he can perform very well. Using an expensive item as the bet, an archer will have fear of losing the bet; therefore, his performance will become poorer. Using gold as the bet, an archer will feel great pressure in his mind; therefore, he may lose his skill completely.” The difference in the performance can be so big due to the influence of external factor. If you don’t care about winning or losing, you will be able to maximize your potential.

Lie Zi showed off his archery skill to Bo Hun Wu Ren. He held the bow at full draw, straighten his left hand, put a cup of water on his left arm, and his right hand shot the arrows repeatedly. The actions were extremely fast. Before the first arrow hit the target, the second arrow was already on the bow. Before the second arrow hit the target, the third arrow was already on the bow. The cup on his left arm didn’t spill out a single drop of water. Bo Hun said: “Your archery skill is considered “shooting with the heart”, and not “shooting without the heart”.” Bo Hun brought Lie Zi to a mountain cliff. With the back facing the abyss, the back of one heel touching the cliff, Lie Zi was asked to perform his archery skill. Lie Zi was sweating from head to toes and unable to stand straight. Bo Hun said: “A person who really knows the Dao will have no fear. Look at you; the mountain cliff can cause so much fear in you. Your heart is still at a great distance away from the Dao!” If you have no fear of making mistake, and no fear of getting humiliation from other people, your ability will not be adversely affected. If you are really fearless, you will not be afraid of anything that wouldn’t kill you.

Emperor Shun (舜) always thought of compassion and righteousness. He wanted all the people to be inspired by him and followed his lead. However, he was unable to rise above compassion and righteousness. Therefore, his mind was always troubled by the external world. Emperor Fu Xi (伏羲) slept soundly and waked up satisfied every day. His intelligent was natural with no artificial thought. His benevolence was natural with no pretentious giving. When he worked for the people, he was like a horse or a cow; totally natural, therefore his mind was not troubled by whatever happened. Be a leader naturally, if the people want you to be their leader. Love your work but never think about why you need to work. If you think about becoming a great leader, you will never become great, although you may become a leader among the countless number of leaders. Lao Zi said: “Great leader will never aim to achieve big ambition; therefore, he can become the leader who presided over the big achievement.” (是以圣人终不为大，故能成其大。) None of the great leaders in the history envisioned themselves to achieve the great successes that they eventually did; they achieved them (accidentally) by eyeing small targets one at a time. A leader who makes promises lightly (about achieving a big target) will seldom be able to keep his words. A leader who presumes all problems are easy to solve will face a lot of difficulties. (夫轻诺必寡信，多易必多难。)

Great leaders in the history never attended classes on leadership skills. They developed their leadership quality instead. Someone without leadership quality but tries to apply leadership skills to manage difficult situations will face a lot of difficulties because he can only use the leadership tools to cope with the symptoms one-by-one but not eliminating the root cause of the problems; the “mother” keeps giving birth to new “babies”, and the state of no-intervention and no-more problem (无为而无不为) can never be created. He can only become a manager but not a leader. Learning and imitating the leadership skills of great leaders will only give you the leadership form but not the spirit (得其形而不得其神). By having a profound leadership quality, every action of great leaders is construed as a leadership skill to be learnt by youngsters; but it is really a natural and spontaneous behavior or action of the great leader without them thinking about leadership skills. Great leaders achieved great successes because their leadership quality inspired and united great helpers to work hand-in-hand for a greater purpose than personal gains. No leader can achieve great success single-handedly without the valuable contributions from great helpers.

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A monkey trainer asks his monkeys: “Starting today, I will give you three bananas in the morning and four in the evening. Is that OK?” The monkeys are angry and make a fuss over the plan. The monkey trainer then changes his plan and say: “What if I give you four in the morning and three in the evening?” The monkeys are all pleased. The monkeys still get seven bananas in total. The monkey trainer loses nothing when he changes the plan. People like to argue over which way is better, although the outcome is almost the same. The outcome can only be different due to something else. The monkey trainer has enough sense to recognize that the monkeys have irrational reasons of their own for wanting four bananas in the morning. He chooses not to stubbornly insist on his original arrangement because he knows the different plans do not affect the substance of his arrangement. He doesn’t waste time demanding that the monkeys try to be “more reasonable” about it when monkeys are not expected to be reasonable in the first place. If we insist firmly and demand everyone else to be “reasonable”, we become the unreasonable. We should outsmart the monkeys and not become monkeys ourselves. Stay focus on what we want to achieve and let the monkeys have their way if we have nothing to lose.

Zhuang Zi was a poor man. One day, he went to borrow some rice from a friend who was a tax collecting officer. The friend said: “OK, but I have not much money now. I am going to collect taxes from the people. After that, I can lend you three hundred gold coins.” Zhuang Zi said: “Yesterday, on my way to here, I heard a voice calling for me. I turned around and saw a fish in the dry drain by the roadside. It could talk, and it said: “Can you please give me some water?” I said: “No problem, but I have not much water now. Let me go to the Southern country and ask the king to build a canal which can channel the water from the river to this place and bring you back to the sea.” The fish was angry and said: “You may as well go to the shop which sells dried fish to look for me tomorrow.” Irrespective of whether a problem is big or small, the best solution is the reasonable one at that moment of time and not necessarily the perfect solution which can only be implemented later. Some people would insist on strictly following the rules. Even if they agree that the rules are not helping the people in need, they would choose to remain helpless. Until and unless the rules are changed by the authority, they would not make exception (通容).

Zhuang Zi was poor but not unhappy. An intelligent person may not become rich due to the chaotic society (道), the unfavorable time (天) and place (地) he lives in, although he has the intelligence and knowledge (人) to become a great leader. However, Zhuang Zi was successful simply because he was free and happy. The fact that he became a celebrated person for many thousands years, even though the time and place he lived in were unfavorable, was secondary. Confucius said: “Being poor but not toady, being rich but not proud, are not better than being poor but happy, and being rich but polite and compassionate.” (子贡曰：贫而无谄，富而无骄，何如？子曰：可也，未若贫而乐，富而好礼者也。) The priority of a truly intelligent person is spirituality and inner wealth, not external or financial wealth. Confucius said: “Yan Hui, my favorite disciple, is supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! With little food and water, and living in a small house at the slum, most people would feel extremely depressed with the poverty. However, Yan Hui is able to stay happy and never change his attitude towards being financially poor but spiritually rich.” (贤哉回也！一箪食，一瓢饮，在陋巷，人不堪其忧，回也不改其乐。) You can lose everything including your arms and legs but you must never lose your happiness.

Having the power to do certain things doesn’t mean you must exercise that power. You should focus on the objective of having that power, and the greater good in exercising the discretion. Compassion is a highly regarded moral value, don’t you agree? Having the rights doesn’t mean you must exercise those rights; you should exercise compassion instead. You don’t have to punish someone just because you have the rights. Forgiveness is a highly regarded moral value, don’t you agree? Everyone makes mistakes; forgive them when possible (得饶人处且饶人). Lao Zi said: “Knowing you have the strength of the male but choose to behave like the female, and act like the water stream of the world. Acting like the water stream of the world, therefore the people is blessed with benevolence and return to the state of non-violent like the baby.” (知其雄，守其雌，为天下溪；为天下溪，恒德不离；恒德不离，复归于婴儿。) When you are in the position to express compassion and forgiveness, it is a happy feeling. The person who received the compassion and forgiveness will also feel happy. What goes around comes around. In the end, everybody gets to enjoy the benevolence. It is not about trying to be regarded as a good person.

Confucius discussed with Lao Zi about compassion and righteousness. Lao Zi said: “Seagull is white not because it takes a bath every day. Crow is black not because it soaks in black dye every day. Black and white colors are natural properties. Therefore, you can’t say white is good, or black is bad. Using compassion and righteousness to distinguish good and bad persons are inappropriate. To the individuals who understand the Dao, the mistake that you make is similar to saying white is good and black is bad.” You must see and understand things as they really are, not as you wish them to be. In Buddhism, it is called the “Right View” (正见) in the Noble Eightfold Path (八正道). If you focus on the positive side (i.e. what you wish to see) of a person, you will probably see him as a good person (正). If you choose to focus on the negative side (i.e. what you don’t wish to see) of a person, you will then see him as a bad person (邪). The reality is you can’t characterize him as a good or a bad person. The same goes for plan and method to achieve an objective. Sunny plan (阳谋) is a plan that is transparent to all. You must tell everybody about the plan with no secrecy in order for the objective to be achieved. Dark plan (阴谋) is a plan that must be kept secret, like a company secret. The objective can only be achieved if the plan is not exposed. If you focus on the objective of the plan, there is no good or bad about both Sunny plan and Dark plan. Dark plan is not exclusively for The Dark Side. If you focus on the objective of all rules, there is no right or wrong about following or violating the rules. Thick skin on the face (厚，i.e. shameless and no guilt) and dark heart (黑，i.e. unforgiving against the demons and devils) are also not exclusively for the Dark Side.

Yue Bu Qun (岳不群) and Zuo Leng Chan (左冷禅) are two competing leaders of a Holy Alliance (正派) to fight against an “evil” religion (邪教) led by the Undefeatable-in-the-East (东方不败) who imprisoned his former supreme leader, Ren Wo Xing (任我行). In order to be regarded as good persons, obviously both Yue and Zuo pretend to show compassion and righteousness in the public eyes. They demonize the “evil” religion and basically all “immoral” behaviors and actions. Behind the scene, they both do all sort of evils to become the Head of the Holy Alliance, stabbing each other’s backs, and also thieving to obtain many self-serving interests. They would stoop so low as to do something reprehensible beyond anyone’s imagination. Both the Holy Alliance and “evil” religion are wolves with different skins. In our society, there are many wolves who don’t pretend to be good humans. They are actually less dangerous than the wolves who pretend to be good humans.

What is good and what is bad? What is right and what is wrong? All human’s distinctions are false. Loving yourself and others is definitely not wrong. Doing everything for your own happiness without harming anyone is definitely not wrong (不邪). Harming others for your own desire is definitely not right (不正). Don’t be a bad person, and don’t pretend to be a good person.

Both Buddha and Lao Zi teach us to have no desire (无欲). When you have no desire, naturally you don’t want to compete (不争) because winning is never your aim; working hard for a good cause (正精进) is a spontaneous behavior and not a stressful strive for great achievement (无为). But Buddha also teaches us not to grip strongly on anything, including the concept of no desire (破空执). For Lao Zi, nothingness means no intervention but not limited by the nonintervention principle (无为而无不为). No-desire and no intervention are the final destination. The real nothingness has no limit; like the Mother Nature, there is nothing I would or wouldn’t do (to reach the final destination). Being no desire is the fundamental principle, like a rule; break it if necessary. The Mother Nature has no desire for anything, and no feeling for anything, but it still rains and does many other things naturally.  You will feel that it is magnanimous if you feel grateful; you will feel that it is malevolent if you feel ungrateful. All the while, it is your heart which is restless, when you think about whether the Mother Nature loves you or hates you (自做多情). You may think the Mother Nature will not react to what you do, but it always reacts in its own way (天之道，不争而善胜，不言而善应，不召而自来，繟然而善谋。天网恢恢，疏而不失). Learn from Mother Nature, feel the Force, and do as your heart tells you to do, so long as you stay on the path of happiness without making mistakes (能从心所欲，不逾矩), and “escape from the cycle of birth and death” as Buddha suggested. Stay happy all the time and express unconditional love (慈) naturally. One who has unconditional love will be able to be courageous (慈故能勇).

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A big turtle from the Eastern Sea unintentionally passes by a well. A frog in the well said: “Distinguished guest! Please come in for a visit.” The turtle asked: “Do you feel comfortable living in the well?” The frog said: “I personally own all the water in this well, like a king. Of course, it is comfortable here! When I jump into the well, the water will quickly come forward to support my armpit. When I dive to the bottom of the water, the mud will hurry to massage my legs. During the night, if I prefer not to stay in the water, I can jump to the side of the well and dream about some witty events. In the morning, I can wander around casually outside the well. I live so happily every day. But I notice that the crabs, tadpoles, and red worms in the well are not as happy as me.” The big turtle is convinced and wants to go into the well for an experience. However, soon after its left foot steps into the well, the right foot is stuck outside the well. It cannot move forward, therefore it has to retreat. The turtle said: “Your well is too small. I can’t go in. I just came from the Eastern Sea. Let me describe to you the happiness of the Eastern Sea. It is so wide and deep. Even a thousand miles cannot describe its width; eight thousand feet cannot describe its depth. During the period of Emperor Yu, there were floods for nine out of ten years. But the sea level never rises. During the period of Emperor Tang, there were droughts for seven out of eight years. But the sea level never falls.  The Eastern Sea doesn’t change regardless of the length of time or how heavy is the rain. That is the happiness of the Eastern Sea.” The frog is astonished and disbelieves there is such a gigantic thing. Some people have a shallow vision because of their own limitations. They can only see or imagine a possible level of happiness which they can wrap their heads around. They don’t believe there are better ways other than Capitalism or Socialism, or anything else (such as Meritocracy) which they have heard of. They can’t even dream about the possibility of reaching a permanent plateau of peace and prosperity. They are just like the frog in the well.

Rain in the autumn brings a lot of water. Through hundreds of small rivers, the water flows into the Yellow River. The water surface becomes very wide. The God of Yellow River is very proud because he thought he has the greatest water-body in the whole world. However, as he travels downstream and reaches the Northern Sea, he looks around but unable to see the boundary of the sea. He feels so embarrassed and tells the God of Northern Sea: “Wow! I was so shallow and ignorant. If I have not travelled to the Northern Sea, I could not even imagine there is such a gigantic water-body in the world.” The God of Northern Sea said: “The frogs in the well cannot imagine how big the size of the sea is. The bugs which live during the summer cannot imagine how cold the winter is. People with low intelligent cannot imagine how great the Dao is. They can’t comprehend how far the Dao can go. Now that you have seen the size of Northern Sea, and realized how uninformed you are, I can then talk to you about the Dao. The sea is the biggest water-body in the world. However, comparing the sea and the Heaven and Earth, I am like a small rock on a mountain. I dare not say I am the greatest. A human compared to the world is like a hair on a horse’s body. Using the same reasoning, the so-called great achievements of the past Emperors, Sages, and intelligent leaders are only like a hair or a small rock.” You must dare to make a bigger dream, only then you may possibly reach a higher plateau; although the achievement will still be just like a bigger rock on the mountain. Learning from the great leaders is benevolent; but learning from the Mother Nature, giving and never taking, is magnanimous.

Do whatever that is not wrong but remember that you may be not-right. Other people may also be not-wrong as well as not-right. If the outcomes are different from those you expected or not perfect, don’t regret what you did and especially don’t expect perfection. A little imperfection is good, because perfection necessarily leads to downfall; it is impossible to become more perfect than perfect. Admit that you are not infallible. You don’t have to feel guilty for your action if you’ve made your decision with pure heart and full faith, and you only know of the mistake in the hindsight. Never feel obligated to follow rules. Follow rules only when it can lead to happy outcomes, or it helps to avoid unhappy consequences. Rules are guidance or paths, not intelligence itself. Rules are only applicable in certain time and space. You won’t make great innovation and breakthrough by following written rules or paths.

Problematic people will have a lot of problems in their lives because they see every little “problem” as BIG PROBLEM. They like to magnify the problems; therefore, they see more problems, and become problematic themselves. It is a vicious cycle. Don’t try to be perfect, but find the appropriate satisfactory level or balancing point. Unfortunately, no one can tell you how to define satisfactory level or balancing point; trying to accurately define right and wrong (明辨是非), good and bad, is undesirable. You only need to be careful in your judgments (慎断) and not necessary to be correct in all your judgments (明断). Judgments are always needed simply because there are no perfect rules that you can follow strictly to make the right decision; otherwise, judges would be out of job and robots can replace most managers and doctors. Some people have the false belief that democracy and rule-of-law can bring better life and better future. Despite the failures of many democratic countries in the world, they still choose to believe that democracy is the silver bullet which will kill all devils and cure all political illnesses. Everybody naturally wants to have better life and better future, but many are confused about how to get there. To get there, everybody must start to become self-reliant and not relying on the elites; everybody must assumes the fiduciary duty as a non-executive director of the government; and everybody must be a judge of the judges to make sure justice is served and not simply expecting a lifeless rule-of-law to magically work. Thenceforth, we can truly have a country of the people, by the people, for the people. Everybody must self-regulate himself with ethical values, monitor the government officers, and make sure they do the jobs that they are paid for. Confucius said: “When everybody chooses to be a filial piety son and loving brother, the collective deeds will influence the government. It is also a form of involvement in politics. It is not always necessary to become a politician to be considered being involved in politics.” (孝乎惟孝、友于兄弟，施於有政。是亦為政，奚其為為政？) The people always get the government which they deserve; whether it is a democratic country or not. Don’t just blame the politicians when you get a bad government. Regardless of the political system, the government can only be good if the people are good.

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Confucius said: “Only the highly intelligent and the extremely stupid people cannot change their behaviors.” (唯上智与下愚不移。) If one is spiritually intelligent, nobody can change his mind about his way of life, like the Buddha. On the other hand, if one’s intelligence is at the other extreme of the spectrum, nobody can make him change his behaviors too. He is not necessarily stupid cognitively; he is probably bound by certain doctrines and become inflexible and not free. His ego and instinct will make him defensive and rejects any idea which runs counter to what he has been mis-educated to believe. He is not necessarily wrong, although he is not right. A child will also become defensive when he is criticized; don’t punish him, be tolerant, and let him have a space to cool down. Intolerance breeds intolerance. You need to have Intelligence to be able to be firm with your belief so that you are not easily swayed by anybody’s words. If you believe abandonment of desire, and abandonment of emotional attachment, will lead to having no F.O.G. and be truly happy, you must have the intelligence to sustain the belief. Otherwise, you will be lured by the Dark Side and start having more and more desires, until you are crushed by your excessive desires. “The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” Stupidity will make a person thinks he is capable of doing unlimited things; whether it is about conquering the world or to save the world. Stupidity will make him accumulate unlimited desires.

Lao Zi said: “Governing a big country should be like cooking a small fish. Applying Dao in governing the world, evil tricks will not become accepted belief or practices. Not only the devil will not become god, the existence of the fallacy will not harm other people. Not only the fallacy will not harm other people, the Sage will also not harm anybody or disapprove the belief. Because both the Sage and the fallacy do not harm anybody, therefore both can interplay and bring benevolence to everybody.” (治大国若烹小鲜；以道莅天下，其鬼不神；非其鬼不神也，其神不伤人也；非其神不伤人也，圣人亦弗伤也。夫两不相伤，故德交归焉。) We can’t change everybody. A wise leader will be careful not to do too much or too little, not too haste or too slow. Different people with different beliefs are natural and not a problem, so long as the people can all live in peace. There are benefits to keep both devils and gods around; none should be eliminated. “Life would not long remain possible in the absence of microbes.” – Louis Pasteur. The world naturally contains a diverse of things; embrace all of them rather than dividing them into just two categories of good versus bad. Don’t try to make everybody the same; otherwise the unnecessary intervention will harm one group over another. The thriving group will do harm, and the losing group will do other kind of harm. War breeds wars, peace breeds prosperity. People with strong desires and people with no desire can live in harmony and complement each other. Capitalism and Socialism can exist together although there are major disagreements between them. You must have tolerance. But should you tolerate bullies who are intolerant and want to harm you? Some schools, parents, bosses, and politicians are bullies too. We must tolerate their intolerance to a certain extent. However, unlimited tolerance will lead to no tolerance. Too much tolerance for the bullies will cause destruction of harmony, and everybody will either be dead or loses the capacity to be tolerant. Tolerance for Hitler, and some people even admired him for his “success” and “patriotism”, led to World War II. “Peace is not an absence of war; it is a virtue, a state of mind, a disposition for benevolence, confidence, and justice.” – Baruch Spinoza. Peace is possible in the presence of war. Happiness is possible in the absence of total freedom.

Meng Zi said: “Yang Zi advocated for Capitalism; he said that everybody should be selfish, so much so that no one would lose one hair to benefit the world. Mo Zi advocated for Socialism; he said that everybody should love everyone else equally with no preference. The bruises from head to toe resulting from his labor of love would not stop him from saving the world. Zi Mo advocated for holding the middle ground. Being pragmatic by holding the middle ground may be closer to the desired solution. However, strictly holding the middle ground without the flexibility to make variation is equal to holding strongly on one principle. The bad thing about holding strongly on one principle is that it would harm the real Dao, i.e. detrimental to the real benevolence for the people. Some people would insist on strictly following only one principle and pay no heed to hundreds of problems waiting to be resolved.” (孟子曰： “杨子取为我，拔一毛而利天下，不为也。墨子兼爱，摩顶放踵利天下，为之。子莫执中，执中为近之，执中无权，犹执一也。所恶执一者，为其贼道也，举一而废百也。”) The term “pragmatism” has been frequently misused to justify the so-called “necessary evils”. Adam Smith said: “Every individual necessarily labors to render the annual revenue of the society as great as he can. He generally neither intends to promote the public interest, nor knows how much he is promoting it … He intends only his own gain, and he is in this, as in many other cases, led by an invisible hand to promote an end which was no part of his intention. Nor is it always the worse for society that it was no part of his intention. By pursuing his own interest he frequently promotes that of the society more effectually than when he really intends to promote it. I have never known much good done by those who affected to trade for the public good.” Adam Smith, like Yang Zi, is not wrong, but he is not right too. Karl Marx, like Mo Zi, is not wrong, but he is not right too. Capitalism and Socialism can complement each other. Inequality in Capitalist countries is lessening due to the threat of Socialism. Authoritarianism in Socialist countries is lessening due to the threat of Capitalism. Unfortunately, Capitalism still manages to heighten inequality in the world and harming the livelihood of poorer people, although it also brings many good developments. The financial bullies must be stopped from stealing the wealth of the people (via printing of money and stuff their own pockets). If the rich people don’t care about the poor, and continue to use the government machinery to enrich themselves at the expense of the poor, why would the poor people care about the rich? Obviously, they will use whatever weapons they can grab to defend themselves, including voting for self-serving Socialist politicians (who enrich themselves) even though the poor people can only get the crumb.

Destroying Capitalism and embracing Socialism is not the solution. In Capitalism, people race to become clever so that they can cheat other people for the sake of making profit; but in Socialism, people race to become stupid because they can enjoy the same benefit without having to work hard. In the end, the Socialist leader command the absolute power, in the name of “distributing equal prosperity to all”, and the system go full circle to Crony Capitalism where the elites fight it out in the government for power and personal prosperity. Can you imagine what will happen if the workers in a factory are allowed to elect the CEO and management team of the factory? Socialist countries did have elections (sometime with guns and fists), but the leader become permanent in his position after the elections. Democratic countries have periodic elections, but the leaders can only win if they use Socialist propaganda and promise to distribute a lot of welfare to the people (although they argue that Welfare State is different from Socialism). If the majority of electorates need government welfare to survive, it means the people are not prosperous, and the leaders are just capitalizing on the people’s misfortune. The leaders mine or derive POWER from the “unconscious” electorates. It would be better to progress in a direction where the people become self-reliant, and aiming to reach a state where there is no more need for the government to do anything (为无为). All the major religions tell the believers to love their neighbors, but unfortunately everybody just wait for somebody’s love. “It is not the world that’s so bad but what we’re doing to it. It would be a wonderful world only we’d give it a chance. If lots more of us loved each other, we’d solve lots more problems; and then the world would be a gasser.”

You may think that life is unfair. Some people think the Nature is unfair; therefore unfairness is not really a problem and you need to live with that. The positive side is, upon accepting the reality, you are motivated to improve yourself out of the disadvantage group; alternatively, you can choose to stay happy and do nothing because you don’t see being in the “disadvantage” group is a problem. The negative side is some people will use this as an excuse to extenuate their crimes of worsening inequality and turn a blind eye on hunger and poverty which are indirectly caused by their greed. They blame the poor for not putting in enough efforts to improve themselves. Some people think unfairness is a problem and they have to fight and make the world a fairer place. The negative side is you will be unhappy all the time because you refuse to accept the Ways things are but want to change them into what you wish to see, and they are not happening. Refusing to accept the norm is choosing to make unhappiness as the norm. The positive side is the unhappiness may drive you to do something about the norm; as if you know best what is right and what is wrong (like what happened in the Communist era). Some people think the enforced fairness is unfair; some people think unfairness is fair, even though the unfairness is sanctioned by the government through various forms of cronyism and protectionism for the rich or the too-big-to-fail. The duck has short legs and the crane has long neck. Are these fair or unfair? The human distinctions are false; that is the problem. It is better to look at them as neither fair nor unfair. Mourning over the distinctions is unwise. Stay happy, have no desire, and do what is not wrong to help the people save themselves. Don’t aim to accomplish something great; move one step at a time instead of trying to jump from one milestone to the next.

Xu Wu Gui was invited to meet King Wu of the Wei State. The King was glad and said: “I have wanted to meet you for a long time. I want to love my people, and put an end to war for the sake of justice. Am I doing right?” Xu Wu Gui replied: “You mustn’t do that. Your “love” for your people puts them in great danger. The war in the name of justice is the cause of war after war; it won’t put an end to war. If you do it, it will end in disaster. The desire for the fame of accomplishing something great will lead to the use of evil means to achieve the target. Although you have grand intention of love and justice, it is fraudulent because it becomes mere pretext for self-assertion and aggression. The desire for a form will lead to creation of fakes. Success will lead to arrogant. War breeds wars. You must not send your army like a flock of cranes flying over a tower. Don’t show your military strength in front of the palace of your neighboring countries. Don’t be greedy for unnecessary things. Don’t use your cleverness to fool the people. Don’t invent clever war plan to defeat the enemies that you make in the first place. Don’t use war to win over other countries. There is no justice in killing the soldiers and civilians of other countries and occupying their lands. It only serves to satisfy one’s greed and have nothing to do with justice. There is no victor but losers. It is best that you abandon your plan to be a “loving and equitable ruler”; don’t intend to start a war to end all wars. Learn to be truly sincere. Harmonize with the sincerity of the Nature and don’t disturb it. The people will then be free of the threat of death. And war will end by itself!”

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A farmer saw a rabbit running and knocked its head on a tree. That night, he had a wonderful dinner of rabbit meat. From that day onward, he stopped farming but wait for another rabbit to knock on the same tree. Of course, he never had the same luck again. He had no food and lived in poverty. Waiting and doing nothing can be detrimental to your happiness. Although you don’t chase for success, you must better yourself every day and do what you can to help others. You don’t have to compete with anybody but yourself. You will become successful in one way or another. Your success as measured by others is not necessarily accurate. You don’t have to accept the definitions of success that other people use. You are successful if you can wake up every morning with a smile on your face, knowing it’s going to be a great day.

Like the Star Wars movie, there is a Dark Side which will constantly lure you with “desirable” (可欲) things. These include wealth, colorful life, colorful objects, fame, luxurious foods, and leisure. These are not essential to live a happy life. Instead, these can become burdensome; like unnecessary weight added to your shoulder, or addictive substances you are mis-educated to desire or even develop obsession for them. In the pursuit for these “desirable” things, you will feel worried about getting what you don’t want, and not getting what you want; you will also feel worried about losing what you have, and not losing what you don’t want to have (患得患失). The Dark Side knows you love compassion and righteousness, and it may use these to lure you over. For example, you may be promised the power to show more compassion to your love ones, or the power to right the society so that your compassion can reach more people. Compassion is natural if you express it without thinking. If you desire to show compassion, because of some reasons, it is artificial and unnatural. Natural compassion doesn’t require external power; the use of political power and force to express compassion is unnatural. “Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men, even when they exercise influence and not authority; still more when you superadd the tendency or the certainty of corruption by authority.”

Curiosity to learn is natural in babies; they learn without thinking about the profits of learning. They learn for fun. If you desire to learn because you think the knowledge will get you a better job or some other benefits, it is an artificial and unnatural thought, i.e. not due to curiosity. If you have lost your curiosity, you must find it back. At the meantime, you can live with the artificial and unnatural desire to learn, because it is useful. Useful is not bad. Natural love for learning is a habit. It is best if you love to learn but never think about why you need or want to learn something. Similarly, it is best if you love someone but never think about why you need or want to love him/her. It is a habit, not an artificial afterthought.

When you have no desire, and no emotional attachment to anybody, you will have no fear, obligation, and guilt (F.O.G.). The Dark Side will teach you how to have no F.O.G. but keep enjoying all the “desirable” things. It works by suppressing your true feeling (natural love and compassion) and substitute it with sadness and anger. You will then require drug, alcohol, and entertainment to relieve your depression. It is very evil; and this is the way of the politicians and some bosses. The way of the Dark Side is no doubt very powerful, but you will have to give up your soul to the devil to gain the power. People from the Dark Side will use their power to antagonize certain groups of people in order to show compassion towards their followers; like a big thug leader who robs people but very compassionate towards his followers. They believe they are doing the right things, and they assume their good intention grants them the rights to rob Peter and pay Paul, or to do some other “necessary evils”. They are fearless to do anything; they don’t feel obligated to make sure everybody is safe and well (no qualm to sacrifice a few followers for the benefits of the majority); they have no guilt for whatever mistakes which they made along the way to achieve their organizational objectives or personal gains. The end learns to justify the means. They are not afraid to die. They use anger as a tool to coerce others to give them what they want. Anger is also used as a fuel to drive themselves further toward the Dark Side. They derive their power from anger and sadness.

Buddha, meaning the All-Knowing One, has no F.O.G. and no desire. The Dark Side has no F.O.G. but full of desires. People from the Dark Side obsess for control. They want everything to be in order, spick-and-span, so that everything is under their control. They are FEAR of disorder; a little bit of disorderly can enrage them. They love power more than their own lives; therefore they are not afraid to lose their lives in the pursuit for power. But they are FEAR of losing the power to rebels and also enemies within. They are not really fearless. One cannot be truly fearless if he has desire. Desire leads to fear, fear leads to anger/sadness, and the eventual drift to the Dark Side. Desire will also reveal one’s weakness; he can be enraged and sadden, and led into a trap.

Lao Zi, meaning the Ancient One, said: “There are three important principles that I uphold with determination: the first is unconditional love for others; the second is thrifty, emotionally and financially; the third is dare-not compete to become a leader. One who has unconditional love will be able to be courageous. One who is thrifty will be able to reach out more widely. One who dares not compete to become a leader will be able to lead the accomplishment of various tasks. If we abandon unconditional love but only behave courageously; abandon thrifty but still try to reach out widely; abandon compromise and stay behind but be the first to start a fight; we will face great danger. A leader with unconditional love for his people will be able to win whenever he goes to a war; have a sturdy defense against aggressors when he set up a defensive wall. When the Nature wants to fortify something, it will use unconditional love to sustain it.” (我恒有三宝，持而保之：一曰慈，二曰俭，三曰不敢为天下先。慈故能勇，俭故能广， 不敢为天下先，故能成事长。今舍其慈，且勇；舍其俭，且广；舍其后，且先；则必死矣。夫慈，以战则胜，以守则固。天将健之，如以慈垣之。)

“Having no desire is boring.” That is what the Dark Side keeps whispering to us: “Come over. Come over.” Having a little bit of desires may not kill you if you are thrifty. You can even crossover a little bit further to the Dark Side occasionally, to understand the power of the Dark Side so that you can defeat it when you need to, but you must always remember to come back to the shore before you are consumed. If you are unhappy most of the time, you are probably straying too far into the Dark Side. The sea of suffering is infinite and has no end; you must come back to the shore before it is too late (苦海无边，回头是岸). Choose to have happiness; don’t choose to have control or anything else. If you need something or someone to make you happy, it is not the true happiness.

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A small bird flies up and down a tree to look for worms. One day, a giant bird flies over at great altitude. The small bird laughs at the giant bird: “How stupid is that giant bird to waste so much energy to fly so high? I only need to fly a few ten feet and I have no more worry about hunger.” The small bird has no idea about the vision of the giant bird at that great altitude. There is nothing wrong to live a “small bird” life or a “giant bird” life. The important thing is we are satisfied with the way we live; no envy (feeling of discontented), no jealousy (resentment of someone’s achievements), and no arrogant. The small bird need not be arrogant and laugh at the giant bird, and the giant bird need not feel proud. After all, the giant bird is not free to fly whenever it wants; it has to wait for the wind to push it up into the sky. Anyone who needs to wait for something or someone is not free. No one can achieve great success without the helps from the right time (天), right space (地), and right people (人). We need to keep learning and have the intelligent to free us from distress (envy, jealousy, and arrogant) we inflict on ourselves through our ignorant. However, a wise man knows there are unlimited numbers of subjects that he cannot possibly learn all of them during his lifetime. He learns as much as he can, more than what he needs to learn, for the fun of it. In contrast, an arrogant man thinks there is nothing else that he needs to learn. (知不知，尚矣；不知不知，病矣。) The difference between the small bird and the giant bird is the altitude of their attitude (境界). When you are looking down from a great height, everything on the Earth surface seems small. When you are looking up from the Earth, everything in the sky seems small. Success or failure, nothing is big when you look at it from a great distance. There is no big deal. Don’t admire anyone. Don’t idolize anyone.

You can choose any occupation which you are happy, able, willing, and ready to undertake. You work to live, and not live to work, because you are not a robot. In your career, it is normal to be scolded by your boss, even if you are your own boss. Bosses always think they are right, and they always want you to do the right things, i.e. to make money for them or some other selfish purposes. If you desire to be not right, you will not be unhappy when your boss criticizes you. If you wish to be a witch or wizard, you will instead be happy when people call you a witch or wizard, like Harry Potter.

Don’t chase for success; success will chase you if you deserve to be successful. Chasing for success means you will stress yourself so much with many sleepless nights, burning midnight oil in order to achieve success. Your intelligence will work against you, rather than works for you. Not chasing success doesn’t mean you don’t work hard; you work as you should but you don’t think about personal profit or loss. If you are really intelligent, both cognitive and emotional, you will become a magnet which attracts successes. Anyway, success is not necessarily a good thing. It could be a punishment, and you get it if you deserve it. You need to feel alarmed because disaster may be hiding behind fortune (福乃祸之所伏). If you don’t get it, it is not a cause for disappointment. Instead, you should feel happy because you don’t get the punishment (祸乃福之所倚). Living a simple life will bring you more happiness.

The army of Qin state attacked Zhao state (in year B.C. 257). The Prime Minister of Zhao decided to send a delegation of 20 officers to persuade the King of Chu state to form an alliance to fight against Qin. He selected 19 suitable individuals and had one more vacancy. Mao Shui (毛遂) recommended himself for the position. The Prime Minister said: “A piercer put into the pocket will soon prick through the pocket and exposes its shape end. Why I never hear of your name?” Mao Shui replied: “I didn’t request to be put into the pocket until today. If I was put into the pocket earlier, the whole piercer would have pricked through already.” The Prime Minister then accepted him as the last member of the delegation. After a long discussion, the Prime Minister was unsuccessful to persuade the King of Chu. Finally, it was Mao Shui who managed to strike the right senses into the King’s mind and secured the alliance. One of the moral of this historical story is: sharpen your mind and you will be able to help when the opportunity presents itself. You don’t have to keep asking for a chance to show your usefulness. Success is where preparation and opportunity meet. After the successful defense against the army of Qin, Zhao state was attacked by army of Yan state the following year. The king of Zhao appointed Mao Shui as the army general to battle against the army of Yan. Mao Shui declined the appointment but was not approved by Zhao’s king. Zhao’s army was defeated. Mao Shui was ashamed of the failure and subsequently committed suicide. This is the kind of punishment which comes with success.

Zhu Ge Liang (诸葛亮) (A.D. 181 – 234) was a young man living in a small cottage during the Three Kingdoms period at the end of Han Dynasty. He was well known for his intelligent by his circle of friends. A warlord, Liu Bei (刘备), heard of his name from someone and went to the cottage three times to finally persuaded Zhu Ge Liang to help establish a strong force. Zhu Ge Liang was instrumental in the war against Cao Cao, establishing the Shu State (蜀国) as one of the Three Kingdoms for Liu Bei, and finally became the Prime Minister of Shu. Zhu Ge Liang didn’t chase for success, otherwise he would have taken initiative to join a stronger warlord like Cao Cao. It was Liu Bei who begged him to help, and he did what he could. The many successes came to him naturally because of his intelligent and hardworking. If he didn’t have the right intelligent but still desired for success, he would have suffered a lot of stress but achieved no success and probably lost his life in the civil war. At the age of 54, he died of illness due to heavy workload and insufficient sleep. Getting what you don’t deserve is unfortunate (不吉祥); don’t lose your happiness, hence your life, by desiring to get success which you don’t deserve. You have no life if you have no happiness.

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Confucius said: “When there is someone whom you can talk to but you don’t talk to him, you lose the opportunity to befriend him. When there is someone whom you shouldn’t talk to but you talk to him, you waste your words on the wrong person. An intelligent person will not miss a chance to befriend someone good and also not talking to the wrong person.” (可與言，而不與之言，失人；不可與言，而與之言，失言。知者不失人，亦不失言。)

Guan Zhong (管仲) (725-645 BC) was a chancellor and reformer of the State of Qi. Bao Shu Ya (鲍叔牙) was his best friend since childhood. Guan Zhong said: “When I was poor, Bao and I were partners in a business. In the profit sharing, I always took a bigger share. Bao didn’t think I was greedy because he knew I was poorer. Once, I had devised a plan to solve Bao’s problem. However, the plan didn’t work but caused more problems to Bao. He didn’t think I was stupid because he knew success depended on luck too. I became a government officer three times and sacked three times. Bao didn’t think I was useless because he knew I didn’t get in at the right time or met the right superior. I went to battlefield three times and ended up running away three times. Bao didn’t think I was a coward because he knew I must keep my life to look after my mother. I was one of the advisors of Prince Jiu in the failed attempt to take over the throne. Many other advisors committed suicide but I chose to be arrested and endure the humiliations in the jail. Bao didn’t think I was shameless because he knew I am not ashamed of failure. He knew I was only ashamed of not being able to help the country to achieve great success. I mustn’t sacrifice myself over a small failure and temporary tortures. My parents gave birth to me but Bao was the only person who knew me well.”

Bao Shu Ya was the closest confidante of Duke Huan, but he recommended the Duke to appoint Guan Zhong as the chancellor of Qi State while he took a lower position. There were many intelligent individuals like Guan Zhong in the history but very few could be like Bao Shu Ya who could see the talent in someone. When Guan Zhong was terminally ill, Duke Huan asked whether Bao Shu Ya could take over as the chancellor. Guan Zhong said: “Bao is a very clean and straightforward person. He looks down on people who are not like him and doesn’t want to be anywhere nears them. When he occasionally hears about bad behavior of someone, he will remember it and dislike the person forever. He is not a suitable candidate to become the chancellor.” When Bao later heard the comments about him, not only he wasn’t angry but said happily: “This is the reason why I recommended Guan Zhong as the chancellor in the first place. He is selfless in the sense that he doesn’t give special favor to someone he loves. He doesn’t practice favoritism. If I become the chancellor, many little men will be executed or lose their jobs.”

There are many people who don’t understand you. Do you understand and love someone? There are many people who don’t deserve your friendship. Do you deserve the friendship of someone? Stop talking about what a good friend should be but start being one. Let us love each other in deeds and not in words.

The best companionship is when two persons who are already feeling self-fulfilled within themselves come together and appreciating that sense of wellbeing in the other; rather than expecting the other to supply the sense of fulfillment which he/she doesn’t feel on his/her own. A team player must be a spiritually independent person before he/she can make contributions to the team. Genuine love is about helping someone to feel happy. If you cling on to someone because you need him/her to make you happy, that is just attachment. The more you grasp something, the more you are afraid to lose it, and the more you will feel sad when you eventually lose it. Nothing is permanent, so is the thing that you try to grasp tightly. Love and attachment are very different feelings. More attachment doesn’t necessarily mean more love for someone. More love for someone doesn’t necessarily mean more attachment.

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We must accept the reality that humans are generally not intelligent. The term “Artificial Intelligent” is a misnomer. What kind of intelligent can we learn from humans and computerize it? If humans are intelligent, there will be no war (shooting, currency, or trade war which will only have multiple losers and no winner) or manmade chaos (fighting over different religions/views, the strong bullying the weak, problems created due to desire for personal gain or desire to change the world according to one’s wishes, etc.). Computer programs to play chess or make stock-picking decisions are just “Artificial Cleverness”. The real “Artificial Intelligent” can potentially be more intelligent than humans and it will be able to maintain world peace. Unfortunately, before that can ever happen, humans may have use “Artificial Cleverness” to destroy the world.

Unless you stay with selected companions, otherwise you will find that almost everybody wants to hurt you with his words or his force; and almost everybody wants to retaliate with his words or his force. That is the reality of why everywhere in the world is a violent place to live in. People are not as civilize as they claim to be. You must love yourself, and then your neighbors, and live according to your highest values. You will then be extraordinary and different from the ordinary people which are probably more than 80% of the population. The best leader will hold the best values, rather than the best title or social status. The greatest courage looks cowardice (大勇若怯). The greatest genius looks ingenuous (大智若愚). “The fool who knows he is a fool is that much wiser”.

You must forgive the stupidity of humans and stay calm for your own happiness. “Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned”. You must reflect frequently and set a high moral standard for yourself but be very lenient with other people. Don’t demand other people to be morally upright; it will be futile anyway. You will then be able to avoid any unnecessary resentment. (躬自厚而薄责于人，则远怨矣。) Don’t expect your friends to be perfect. Forgive them when they make mistakes. To err is human, to forgive is divine. Do you think you are like a God who will never err? I have been in training for twenty over years, torn between different ideologies, and I don’t know when I will become a Jedi. But I don’t mind what will happen. Buddha asked his disciple Subhuti: “Can an Arahant (a holy man who has left behind all earthly desires and concerns) say within himself whether he has attained the wisdoms of Arahant?” Subhuti replied: “No, Bhagavat. The reason being there is no such Way to characterize an Arahant. All Ways are neither truth nor falsehood. If an Arahant says within himself that he has attained the wisdoms of an Arahant, that means he is still clinging to earthly desires and concerns. Therefore, he is not really an Arahant.” (阿罗汉能作是念。我得阿罗汉道不。须菩提言。不也世尊。何以故。实无有法名阿罗汉。世尊。若阿罗汉作是念。我得阿罗汉道。即为着我人众生寿者。) You must continue to practice the knowledge of knowing and also the knowledge of not knowing; don’t complicate your mind with too much unnecessary knowledge which then makes you worry about the future or anticipate trouble. Confucius said: “Youngsters are to be respected because you will never know how successful they can become. If a person is 40 or 50 years old and he is still not learning, then he will never be respected as a learned person.” (后生可畏，焉知来者之不如今也？四十、五十而无闻焉，斯亦不足畏也已。) Befriend with individuals who keep learning, not with someone who believes in his own doctrines and bounded by a shallow boundary. Close your eyes and meditate; don’t waste your energy in trying to be benevolent or assume you have the responsibility to educate the public.

Take a deep breath and soften yourself to become like a baby (槫气致柔 能婴儿乎). Return to the state when you were like a simple raw jade free from carving and innocent like a baby (反朴归真 复归于婴儿) to regain your birthright happiness. Those who truly love you don’t mind to see you being who you are, and those who mind don’t really love you; so, in either case, there is no reason for you to care about what other people think. No thought of unhappy past stays in a baby’s mind for one minute and no worrying thought about the future stays in his mind for one minute (不住相) or grows into a monster. A baby lives in the present moment; that is the supreme birthright intelligence that you need to regain. Nobody knows everything. Feeling worry about uncertainty and what you don’t know is like being afraid of dark. Why don’t you just let it be? Keep learning about the dark but never dislike not-knowing (知不知 尚矣). Be cheerful and innocent (天真无邪); don’t waste another minute of your life trying to control what is beyond your control. It is good to be mindful that you don’t know everything about anything. Conversely, it is a mental illness if you are not aware that you don’t really know the truth about anything (不知不知 病矣); you thought you know the truth, but you are actually wrong. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. Just live and flow with time like one insignificant water molecule in the river. All problems are not a problem if you don’t see it as a problem; those are just natural rocks that you will naturally flow around them when the time comes.

Buddha said: “One who wants to admonish another should first ponder like this; ‘Am I or am I not one who practices complete purity in body and speech? Are these qualities present in me or not?’ If they are not there will no doubt be people who will say; ‘Come now, why don’t you practice complete purity in body and speech first?’ Again, one who wants to admonish another should first ponder like this; ‘Have I freed myself from ill will and developed a mind of goodwill towards others. Are these qualities present in me or not?’ If they are not there will no doubt be people who will say; ‘Come now, why don’t you develop a mind of goodwill yourself?’”

Meng Zi said: “The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain with themselves and like to be the teachers of everybody else.” (人之患在好为人师。) Don’t be one of the fools and fanatics. The competition between “teachers” about who is right and who is wrong leads to chaos and wars in the world. Therefore, the desire to distinguish right and wrong is probably the greatest desire which causes endless sufferings, to oneself and to others around him.

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Many people like to have a horse as pet. They think a horse is non-violent compared to tiger. Actually, it is quite dangerous if you don’t know much about the behavior of a horse. There was a man who loved his horse very much. He was so devoted in taking care of the horse. He used a basket to catch the poops and used a beautiful seashell to catch the pee of the horse. One day, a blood-sucking fly was sucking blood on the horse’s body. The man walked quietly near to the horse and beat the fly. The horse got a shock and kicked the man. He was killed instantly. Be careful with what you give to your friends. Some people may not appreciate your good deed; they mistaken it as something bad. In the end, what you get in return is something undesirable. Having no friend is better than having one friend who can kill you.

Drought causes the lake to become dry. The fishes are trapped on the land. They compassionately spit saliva to moisturize each other. The compassionate behavior is not a cause for admiration; instead, it is a dire situation. It was better when the lake was full of water and the fishes swim freely without the need for compassion from fellow fishes. In other words, when the concept of compassion is promoted in a society, it means the society has a serious lack of self-reliance; everyone needs or wants helps from everybody else. How much better if all your friends live well and don’t need compassion from anybody? Earth provides enough to satisfy every man’s needs, but not every man’s greed. We can learn from Mother Earth (《周易·坤》：君子以厚德载物) and help everybody who needs help; but not those who simply WANT help as opposed to NEED. Some people are just not contented with what they already have. The Capitalist way of personal greed can destroy the Mother Earth and leads to deprivation of many things, including compassion. Both rich and poor will lose the capacity to show compassion, therefore nobody receive compassion. It is best to control our desire so that compassion is everywhere likes the abundant of oxygen which we breathe it without thinking it is a precious thing. Humans will have a kind of “photosynthesis” capability where we breathe compassion at one time and synthesize compassion at another time. Compassion will not disappear if we are not greedy for compassion; some people assume it is their right to receive compassion, while some people assume it is a duty to express compassion. The Communist/Socialist way of robbing Peter to pay Paul will also lead to deprivation of compassion; because the desire for compassion is too much and cannot be fulfilled by the short supply of compassion. Contentment is what everybody needs, including Capitalist and Communist/Socialist. Breakneck economic prosperity (and Hedonism) is not essential; mass poverty (and Asceticism) is also not necessary.

There was an eight-foot tall sea bird with beautiful feather like a phoenix. When the King of Lu State heard of its arrival at the capital city, he sent his men to bring the sea bird to the palace. The King arranged a solemn reception, called for musicians to play the royal symphonies, slaughtered cattle and offered the best wine to the sea bird. Dazed with symphonies, the unhappy sea bird died of despair. Zhuang Zi said: “The solemn way to receive the sea bird used by the Lu’s King is the way he wishes to be treated. Anyway, it’s the wrong way. He should use the way in which the sea bird wishes to be treated instead. The wrong way kills the bird.” Don’t do unto others what you don’t want others to do unto you.  There is nothing wrong about this teaching from Confucius. However, “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” is not necessarily right. Compassion needs not mean offering the “best” thing to all your friends, especially when they don’t need it. Different people have different needs.

How to make good choices when it comes to friends? Buddha said: “If the one who does no wrong follows one who is evil, he himself will be suspected of evil. And his reputation will decline. According to the friends one makes, according to whom one follows, so does one becomes. Like one’s associates one becomes. Follower and following, toucher and touched alike; an arrow smeared with poison infects those arrows that are not poisoned, so that all are fouled. The upright person not wishing to be soiled should not keep company with the fool. If one strings a piece of putrid fish on a blade of kusa grass, the grass will smell putrid too; the same with one who follows the fool. If one wraps frankincense in an ordinary kind of leaf, the leaf will soon smell sweet too; The same with one who follows the wise. Remembering the example of the leaf wrapping and understanding the results, one should seek companionship with the wise, never with the fool.” One should also vow to become a wise person so that he deserves to have wise companions.

Confucius said: “There are three types of advantageous friends and three types of disadvantageous friends. Friends who are upright and speak truths, friends who are sincere and forgiving, friends who have much knowledge and like to learn, are advantageous friends. Friends who have strange behaviors (bad temper, fussy, hard to please, weird hobby, etc.), friends who have no character (no strength in a person’s nature, always follow the opinions of others, relying on others, doesn’t point out your mistake, etc.), friends who flatter (insincere, talking behind someone’s back, etc.), are disadvantageous friends.” (益者三友，损者三友。友直，友谅，友多闻，益矣。友便辟，友善柔，友便佞，损矣。)

Confucius said: “The little women and little men are hard to please. If you are too close to them, they will start to show disrespectful behaviors. If you distant yourself from them, they will start to show resentments.” (唯女子与小人难养也，近之则不逊，远之则怨。) Some children (like little women or little men) will misbehave when the parents are too soft or friendly with them; they will be obedient, but not without fuss, when the parents are angry or not so friendly. Some adults don’t deserve to be treated like an adult; especially for those who assume it is their right to be pleased by their friends.

Confucius said: “A smooth talking person with artificial smiling face is seldom a compassionate person.” (巧言令色，鮮矣仁！) A person who likes to flatter and sweet-talk others is obviously insincere. You must stay away from him as far as possible. A morally upright person doesn’t talk too much. He doesn’t smile because he is firm; not because he is proud to be standing on a moral high-ground (泰而不骄).

Confucius said: “A gentleman’s priority is justice; a little man’s priority is benefit.” (君子喻于义，小人喻于利。) A person who weighs justice above benefit is a gentleman to befriend with. A person who only calculates the financial benefits in all matters is a little man to be avoided. “A gentleman thinks about being benevolent and appreciates the ethical behaviors of someone (or the government); a little man thinks about gaining/losing ground and doesn’t care about ethics. A gentleman thinks about doing the right things and not ends up getting punishment; a little man thinks about getting financial benefits (from someone or the government) and has very little hesitation to take risk or commit a crime.” (君子怀德，小人怀土。君子怀刑，小人怀惠。)

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Some people take offence when you have a strong defense. The fighting cock which stands motionless like a block of wood strikes fear into its opponents because they can find nowhere to penetrate its confidence. It wins without a fight (不战而胜). By standing on an undefeatable ground (立于不败之地), other people may feel threatened because they cannot defeat you but they are not so confident about themselves. When you have no emotional attachment, you don’t feel sad or angry. Some people may mistake that you don’t care about them. Therefore, they may not like you because of your insensitivity to their emotions.

Zi Sang Hu, Meng Zi Fan, and Zi Qin Zhang were good friends. One day, they said to each other: “Who can love each other but not thinking about loving each other? Who can help each other but not thinking about loving each other? Like all things in the Nature which are related to each other, but never intended to be related to each other (love/help each other but no emotional attachment). They finally forget about life and death; and they travel together to the edge of the universe.” They smiled to each other about the natural friendship that they had (so natural like loving yourself but not thinking about loving yourself). Not long later, Zi Sang Hu died. A disciple of Confucius, Zi Gong, attended the funeral. He saw Meng Zi Fan was fixing a tool for his silkworm farm and Zi Qin Zhang was practicing his musical instrument. Then, he saw the two friends sang: “Zi Sang Hu, oh Zi Sang Hu. You have returned to your original form, but we are still stuck with the shape of human.” Zi Gong asked: “You are singing to the dead body of someone. Is that a good manner for the occasion?” The two friends smiled at each other and asked Zi Gong: “Do you know what manners are?” Zi Gong went back and asked Confucius: “What kind of people are they? Why they have no qualm about breaking the manners as set by the society? How could they sing to their dead friend and show no sorrow or feel ashamed?” Confucius said: “They are people who live outside the box (方外). We are people who live inside the box (方内). They are people who rise above the common world. We are people within the common world. They make friends with the Nature. We make friends with people. Hence, they accept the changes by the Nature, so they don’t feel sorrow for the death of their friends (because death is one of the changes by the Nature). We are bound by humanity rules and manners, like wrongdoers. (We feel guilty although we didn’t do anything wrong.) They must be laughing at us.” Zi Gong asked: “My master, why do you choose to stay inside the box, and accept the binding of humanity rules and manners, like a criminal who is brought to the prison? Why don’t you take a journey to outside the box?” Confucius said: “I would tour outside the box from time to time.” Zi Gong asked: “How did you do that?” Confucius said: “Fish will live comfortably where there is water. Human will live comfortably where there is Dao. If water is the only thing needed to live comfortably, a pond full of water is enough. If Dao is the only thing needed to live comfortably, one will be at peace when he acquires the natural Dao. When a fish swims in the river or lake, it will feel free and forget about the surrounding water. When a person acquires the natural Dao, he will feel contented and happy and forget about the existence of Dao. (We don’t normally be aware or mindful of the existence of oxygen, although we know we breathe it all the time.) A gentleman of the common world is just a little man (with little brain) to someone who lives above the common world.” In the common world, a person who follows the manners as set by the society is considered a gentleman. However, by following the rules, his thinking is usually bound by the rules. He is not free and flexible; he doesn’t have freedom of thoughts (思想解放). Therefore, he is not highly regarded when he is viewed under the perspective of natural Dao which is unbounded and totally free.

The above is a story told by Zhuang Zi. Confucius in the story is fictitious. Zhuang Zi had high respect for Confucius, although he didn’t agree with the teaching of Confucius. He believed Confucius knew the Dao or the ultimate truth but chose the pragmatic path which was more easily accepted by the common people. Unfortunately, Confucius advocacies for compassion and righteousness were not practical during the Warring State period; a country would soon be conquered by its neighbor if it didn’t have harsh rules on conscription of army and large budget from heavy taxes, hence cannot afford to practice compassion and righteousness. Fixed principles are not suitable for a rapidly changing world.

If you think, therefore you express your love, that behavior is unnatural because it is not spontaneous. If you love someone naturally, you will not think about loving; like babies playing together. Natural love for each other needs not incur emotional burden.