There are many good people around; there are equally many bad people around. Good and bad are just temporary definitions to describe vaguely the different types of people; of course, they are inaccurate definitions. Good people may become evil from time to time; bad people may also show compassion from time to time. Animal spirit is inside each of us; it depends on how well we control it for the good of ourselves and the good of everybody around us. Animals are capable of being violent, and also being compassionate at other time. We must not let our guard down.
If you read more stories and histories about good people, and less about bad people, you may develop a stereotype that most people are good people. If you always hang around with good people, you may become complacent or ignorant of the hidden danger. If you read more stories and histories about bad people, and less about good people, you may develop a stereotype that most people are bad people. If you were victimized by bad people, the bad experience may be traumatic and you may become afraid to socialize with anybody. You need to find a balance. The true nature of reality is very complex; you must not try to generalize or divide it simply into good and bad, or right and wrong.
The simplest hideout to find peace of mind is in the wild; stay single and live alone. Some intelligent individuals hide in the city by being little different from all other common people and still find peace of mind; having family and friends may bring more happiness. In the government, extremely intelligent personnel could be hiding among the villains and not being targeted; he is able to stay equanimity and not swayed into undesirable emotional state. (小隐隐于野, 中隐隐于市, 大隐隐于朝。) In a workplace where people stab each other’s back, to gain honors and humiliate others, intelligent personnel try to stay foolish so that he is not seen as a threat to anybody.
Confucius said: “I admire the intelligent of Ning Wu Zi. When honesty is prevalent in the government, he will contribute his knowledge. When corruption is prevalent in the high place, he will pretend to be foolish. There are probably many individuals who have more knowledge than him, but none could pretend to be foolish as skillfully as him.” (宁武子，邦有道则知，邦无道则愚。其知可及也，其愚不可及也。) Stay humble and pretending to be foolish is much more beneficial to yourself than to be known as the clever guy.
Lao Zi said: “The practitioners of Dao in the past were careful in their actions as if they were crossing frozen river during winter; they were cautious as if they were fearful of any ill intention of the surrounding neighbors; they were courteous as if they were a guest; they were warm-hearted like ice melting during the spring; they had pure feelings toward all (no faked expression of cheer or grief), like natural material that are untouched; what’s in their mind was not predictable, like murky water; they were accommodative, like the valley.” (与呵，其若冬涉水；犹呵，其若畏四邻；俨呵，其若客；涣呵，其若冰泽；沌呵，其若朴；湷呵，其若浊；旷呵，其若谷。) Be vigilant and be kind.
The action by someone may affect your feeling. You may feel unhappy in a bad moment, and feel happy in a good moment, because of external factors. “Murky water left to settle down will slowly become clear. Quiet state being stirred will slowly become active.” (浊而静之徐清，安以动之徐生。) Life is repeated cycles from passive state to active and then back to passive again. It’s OK to feel unhappy or happy, so long as you don’t let your emotion rules your life, and you can quiet down to regain your equanimity. Highs and lows in life are natural. Expecting only highs is being judgmental.
Do you need to have many friends? If you want peace of mind, you need to choose who to surround yourself with and establish boundaries. You need to know how to say no to others, to prevent you from getting overwhelmed, burned out, and stressed due to too many commitments. “One best book is equal to hundred good friends; one good friend is equal to a library.” It may not be easy to find one good friend; but you can always make friends with books. “He who hath many friends hath none.” – Aristotle. A friend to all is a friend to none. Don’t accept anybody as your friend; and don’t try to be a friend to everybody. The world doesn’t deserve you.
Confucius said: “If you don’t respect yourself as a gentleman with high morality, you will not have the charisma to be highly regarded by others. Whatever relationship skills that you’ve learnt will not be firm in you and you will be easily swayed by others. The most important characteristic of a gentleman is honesty and trustworthy. Don’t make friend with someone who doesn’t want to be a gentleman like you. Don’t be afraid to admit your mistakes and change your behaviors accordingly.” (君子不重则不威。学则不固。主忠信。无友不如己者。过则勿惮改。) Stop talking too much about what a good friend should be; instead, you should start being one. If you are not a good person to befriend with, you don’t deserve to have a good friend.
RESILIENT KID 