During the hunter-gatherer period in the history, friends were absolutely necessary because humans were weak compared to many animals. The only way for them to defend themselves was to gang up together to pursue wild animals and to collect wild plants for foods. Being trustworthy and trusting their friends to be trustworthy were absolutely necessary for survival. Personal interest was tied together with community interest. Lack of trust could bring disaster to the community and therefore the individuals. Hence, trust was abundant and no one would even think of betraying a friend, and there was no need to cry for trust. Trust was natural and not an afterthought. Their hearts were pure. We can see the same in a pack of wolves. We are still weak today. During wartime, personal interest is tied to national interest, and the people will sometime become united voluntarily. During peaceful time, unity is not essential anymore. We must face the reality that people will not stay united no matter how hard a leader harangues the people for the sake of unity. Having a national enemy is not necessarily a bad thing if national unity is what we desire. Some politicians use racial hatred as a way to unite a race against all other races because they see unity as a precious thing. In this instance, uniting around a political leader is a symptom of moral bankruptcy. On the other hand, the lack of trust is a symptom of diversity. It is not necessarily a bad thing; it is not bad to live in peaceful time although the people are not united. We are still weak today, but we don’t face the same threat as the hunter-gatherer society. We need more friends if we are weaker, and we need fewer friends if we are stronger and self-sufficient in terms of mind and body.
Buddha didn’t need to have friends, but he wasn’t afraid to have friends. He was happy to have companions. Expressing love and compassion will make you happy. The “utility” of friends is to receive your love and compassion; you feel happy when your friends are happy. This is another example of achieving the greatest selfish interest (i.e. feeling happy) by being selfless (i.e. not thinking about yourself). You should not choose a friend based on how much material benefits he can give you, unless you are a beggar. Happiness from evil deed is temporary; soon, one will return to feel fear and anger. Happiness from giving love and compassion is eternal. Not thinking about yourself doesn’t mean you will not receive love and compassion reciprocated from your friends.
Not everyone wants to receive your love and compassion. That’s OK. Some people don’t want to be your friends because you are not the kind of friend they want; they have a different taste. You also make your choices when it comes to making friends. Don’t feel sad when you are rejected. You can pour your love and compassion to other friends. Nothing and no one is so precious that you cannot let go. If you can lift up something, there is no reason you can’t let go, unless you don’t want to let go because you think it is precious. Not everyone loves Buddha. Buddha cannot love people who are not destined to receive his love and compassion (佛不度无缘众生).
The main reason Buddha left home was to find enlightenment so that he could escape the cycle of life, death, rebirth and suffering. It was a selfish endeavor, for his self-interest. Of course, he later shared his thought to help others. But until the end of his life, he never forgot what he set out to do; he stayed focus on his original objective. He did what he preached: abandonment of desires, hence abandonment of emotional attachment. Love and attachment are two different things; most people mistaken that more attachment must come with more love. Instead, more attachment may sometime mean more “ownership” rather than love. You can have friends, but you don’t have to cling on to any emotional attachment, hence no mourning of the loss or death of a friend. No worry about the future.
RESILIENT KID 