Table of Content: HOW TO RAISE A RESILIENT KID: I AM NOT RIGHT BUT THAT’S OK
The most meaningful or purposeful goal to have in life is to become Enlightened in the sense that you feel blissful every second of the day. Nothing can hurt you or make you suffer anymore; not even cancer or other illnesses which may cause pain. Pain is certain, suffering is optional. Is that possible? Of course it is. The first Buddha did it, and many subsequent Buddhas or Bodhisattva did it. However, you don’t have to become a monk in order to achieve Enlightenment. You don’t even have to achieve the goal to feel the blissfulness; you just need to go on the journey towards Enlightenment. The fun is in the journey and not the destination; although mostly around the destination. A little bit of suffering wouldn’t kill you; you may not need total blissfulness. In fact, if you stress yourself so much to achieve the goal, you will never achieve it. Desire to Have no desire can be a suffering. Desire to Have No Desire.
Zen Buddhism believes that everybody has the same capacity to become a Buddha. That capacity may have been masked off by all kinds of greed, hatred, and delusion in the case of the common people (前念迷，即凡夫). Only the enlightened few unmask the Buddha capacity/nature (佛性) and become Buddha themselves (后念悟，即佛). In other words, to realize oneself as “God” is the first step. I think It’s right but it’s not
Having a goal in your life is important. However, not every goal is meaningful to your life. We were all brainwashed (by the schools and society) to chase for so many things which are not meaningful in our lives, although useful in some instances: successes, money, colorful material, colorful life, fame, abundant of delicious foods, and abundant of leisure. We never ask whether we really need them, or these are really necessary without which we definitely cannot be happy. We are like running on a big circular track, chasing carrots or running away from our shadows, not knowing where is the end. We don’t know when to stop, until our bodies fail and force us to stop. An Enlightened person would sit blissfully at the center of the circular track, observing with amusement and pity, watching the fools who run around the circle and refuse to stop. An Enlightened person is awakened to the fact that he is already in the midst of abundance. We already have everything which we need to live a meaningful life. If we are contented with what we already have, we will not be afraid to die tomorrow. I am so lucky to be born a human. I am so lucky to be loved; everything else is secondary. I count nothing as my own, including my body, therefore I am not afraid to lose anything. We never really lose anything, because nothing really belongs to us. Like dust falling onto our bodies, we don’t have to give it to anybody either. If we are not afraid to die tomorrow, there will be no more fear which we cannot handle; we can choose to fear and also not to fear. That doesn’t mean we are not keen to live. If we accept the possibility of us dying tomorrow, the wise thing to do is to be happy now as much as we can before the time runs out; but of course, we don’t want to do stupid things (like taking drugs, alcohol, playing dangerous games, etc.) which will shorten our remaining happy time. If you are blissful, naturally you want to continue to be blissful as if you will live forever. Worrying will not change the reality; do take the appropriate actions as you see fit, minus any worry. No fear, obligation and guilt (F.O.G). Get up and running for the sake of exercising, but rest as you need. Keep whatever that is useful to your health, in terms of mind and body, but never assume anything is essential or indispensable; no desire, no not-desire, no envy. Live naturally.
You are already rich when you are in a position to give. That is truly a happy feeling. The feeling of being able to help others is self-satisfying. In other words, helping others is a self-interest, or a “selfish” thing to do. This kind of selfishness is the greatest selfishness, known by the world as selflessness. You will feel happy doing seemingly unselfish things if you have no expectation about the outcome. Do it with no F.O.G. Don’t do it if you are not happy doing it. Live naturally. Giving alms to monks should be a happy thing to do; the monks are doing us a favor by giving us an opportunity to give and feel happy standing on a moral high-ground. They have no duty to thank us. People who are financially rich often desire to get more from others. They are poor in one way, similar to a beggar who asks for donation. People who drive big cars but always expect others to give way to them are poor in the same way. A truly giant individual (大人) helps and give ways to everybody. A little guy (小人) can feel euphoric (but not happy) only when he receives something from others.
The easiest way to become a truly giant individual (大人) is to have children, or someone to love. Do get married and have children. You can then enjoy the happiness of living a pure unselfish life. Children are the best recipients of your love and gifts; they will never question your sincerity or suspicious of your good intentions. You will be loved, although you never think about any return-on-investment. Be “selfish”, for your own happiness; so long as it doesn’t infringe on the rights of others. Do it with no F.O.G. Don’t do it if you are not happy doing it. Live naturally. Count nothing as your own.
RESILIENT KID 