Table of Content: HOW TO RAISE A RESILIENT KID: I AM NOT RIGHT BUT THAT’S OK
Happiness is a choice. If you choose to be unhappy, nothing and no one can make you happy; for the simple reason that your heart (and brain) is under your control and no one else. Like moving your hand, you can control your heart to have any feeling which you want, theoretically. Unfortunately, you are probably not born with the ability to control your heart, just like you cannot walk immediately after you were born. Although you were fascinated to see the adults could walk freely wherever they wanted, you had no idea how to do it. You started to think it would be nice if you could do the same. You learnt to desire for something which others have. You needed adults to guide you how to walk, but you yourself had to walk the path. You probably felt frustrated when you failed. Finally, you felt happy when you could walk on your own. You kept practicing, enjoying the freedom to move around, and then you could run.
You see the success of someone. You learn to desire for the same success, thinking that it is a good thing to have. Maybe someone tells you that everybody needs to have success, but you are the one who decided that you need it in order to be happy. You program your mind to live up to it, although it is not a basic need for happiness to be felt; you didn’t need this kind of success to feel happy earlier. It is like you suddenly cannot walk simply because you convinced yourself that you must have a crutch. You make yourself unhappy when your desire is not fulfilled; you mentally disable yourself. There are two solutions: (1) lower your desire or target, (2) work harder to achieve the target. Which is the easiest way? The first one, of course. Unfortunately, you might choose the second one because of greed, or hate the lower target, or parent/peer pressure, or worrying about the future, etc. You try to live someone’s else life instead of your own; you want to be someone else.
It is your desire for success which causes your suffering. When you have no desire, every little victory can make you happy. However, not all desires are bad. To have no desire, you must first have the desire to have no desire. Like the desire to walk, you won’t need that desire anymore when you finally can walk. When you naturally have no desire, you do not need to keep reminding yourself to have no desire. You have to walk the path yourself, and you will then enjoy the freedom.
Not desiring for success doesn’t mean you won’t get it. Not desiring to get old, get ill, and die doesn’t mean you won’t get it. When you have the ability to be happy every second of the day, of course you will be keen to live. When nothing can make you unhappy, including death, you can do anything in the journey of your life. Live as if you are going to die tomorrow (i.e. be happy now before it is too late), but learn as if you are going to live forever. Don’t waste your life feeling unhappy or chase for unnecessary things. If you deserve to die tomorrow, let it be. If you deserve to get success, let it be. Don’t chase for success; let success come and chase you. You will probably get greater success than anybody you know. Learn for the fun of learning; for the mental ability to gain intelligence and prajna, which will then give you the ability to have no desire. Learning Buddhism sacred texts alone may not be sufficient for your case compared to others. Learn anything and everything to have the ability to help others effectively. Enjoy the victory and happiness of helping people.
Similarly, money is not a basic need for happiness to be felt. Driving a car is not essential for you to go from one place to another. However, driving is definitely easier than walking long distance. Having money is easier for happiness to be felt, provided the price (in terms of mind and body) to pay in order to obtain money is not suffering. This is call Right Livelihood in the Noble Eight-fold Path. Middle path is recommended in Buddhism.
RESILIENT KID 
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