Table of Content: HOW TO RAISE A RESILIENT KID: I AM NOT RIGHT BUT THAT’S OK
I wrote a similar answer two days ago. Boon Kuan Chung’s answer to If success is not necessary for happiness, why pursue success?
It is not normal for Shaolin monks to have the ability to withstand deadly assaults. It takes a lot of practice, both mind and body. Similarly, it is not normal to be able to feel happy when everything seems to be terrible. But normal means it is the characteristic of the majority, i.e. not extraordinary. You may even say normal means mediocre. There is nothing great about being normal; but there is nothing wrong for being normal. Not everyone can become extraordinary in the area of sports, sciences, economics, arts, etc. The good news is, everybody has the hidden capability to become a Buddha. It is called Buddha Nature in Zen Buddhism. The Buddha Nature in the ordinary people has been covered up by “weeds” which grow thicker by the days as the people learn to become normal or ordinary. If you are not normal in certain ways, you will be rejected by the society. For example, if you have no empathy, you will be despised by others. The pressures make you see reality through the same lens as everybody else; you accept the same definitions of good vs. bad, beautiful vs. ugly, musical vs. noisy, fragrant vs. foul, delicious vs. yucky, smooth vs. rough, logical vs. illogical, big vs. small, long vs. short, good vs. bad, precious vs. cheap, etc. The recognition of the different divisions happen in our brains, and thereafter create various emotional disturbances. The naming is given by us, i.e. our doing to the Nature, for our purposes. The naming is flaw and has a lot of limitations. In other words, we view reality as being divided. What are the things that seem to be terrible? Nothing is terrible, actually, if we don’t make it so. Boon Kuan Chung’s answer to The Buddha teaches that the cause of all suffering is desire. But what about suffering from cancer or other illnesses? How does that connect to desire?
It is possible for everyone to become a Buddha. You don’t have to become a monk. First, you must make the decision to become extraordinary. Next, you must walk the path yourself, to reach the island of happiness where there is no suffering (彼岸). The ordinary people are afloat in the bitter sea. If you start swimming, you will probably reach the island. You may get there faster if you receive some helps from a friendly giant turtle (aka a good teacher). You need to let go (布施/舍弃) of everything (let go of external wealth, knowledge, and energy; and let go of emotional attachments to your body and your love ones) and have no desire (无欲), except the desire to reach the island. If you are doubtful, you might give up halfway; then you will never reach the destination. If you have other desire, it will lead you to the wrong direction. The more desire you have, the further you will drift away from the sea shore. If you remind yourself to minimize your desire, you will be able to come back to the sea shore, and you will be able to start swimming towards the island when you are ready.
Even if you don’t manage to reach the destination, it’s ok. The fun is in the journey and not the destination or the end. When you have the ability to see reality as it is instead of what you wish it to be, nothing will make you feel terrible. That means you can be happy every second of the day, regardless of external circumstances. We never really lose anything, because nothing belongs to us, including our bodies and our love ones. Be objectless, therefore have no attachment. No dirt can attach to an objectless entity (like vacuum or nothingness); dirt can only attach to your body, which really just a vehicle and not who you really are.
Love and attachment are two different things; most people mistaken that more attachment must come with more love. Instead, more attachment may sometime mean more “ownership” rather than love. You can have friends, but you don’t have to cling on to any emotional attachment, hence no mourning of the loss or death of a friend. No worry about the future. WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR
RESILIENT KID 