Table of Content: HOW TO RAISE A RESILIENT KID: I AM NOT RIGHT BUT THAT’S OK

Confucius was a good friend and student of Lao Zi. Confucius learnt many things from Lao Zi; there were at least four instances of Confucius visiting Lao Zi in the historical records. Gautama Buddha will be a good friend of both Confucius and Lao Zi if they met in the Heaven. Whatever conflicts between Buddhists, Daoists and Confucians in history were just foolish men competing for prominence. Gautama Buddha, Confucius and Lao Zi are not rivals; there are more similarities than differences between their philosophies.

Good friends will not agree with each others on each and every matters; only slaves would agree with their master on each and every matters. If you are looking for a friend, find one who agrees to disagree; and be one who agree to disagree. Confucius said: “There are three types of advantageous friends and three types of disadvantageous friends. Friends who are upright and speak truths, friends who are sincere and forgiving, friends who have much knowledge and like to learn, are advantageous friends. Friends who have strange behaviors (bad temper, fussy, hard to please, weird hobby, etc.), friends who have no character (no strength in a person’s nature, always follow the opinions of others, relying on others, doesn’t point out your mistake, etc.), friends who flatter (insincere, talking behind someone’s back, etc.), are disadvantageous friends.” (益者三友，损者三友。友直，友谅，友多闻，益矣。友便辟，友善柔，友便佞，损矣。) Confucius said: “If a person insists he is right and everybody must agree with what he said, and he demands everybody to act decisively according to his instructions, he is just a little man.” (言必信，行必果，经经然小人哉！)

The ultimate objective of all religions is to help each and every follower to become a good person of the world; not just as a good person of his religion (with biases toward his own religion against other religions). When you truly become a good person, you will not continue to think that you are a follower of a particular religion, because you will love everybody equally; no more differentiation between Me, People, Animals, and all Living Things (with limited lifespan). The Buddha said (in The Diamond Sutra): “The originators created their methods from nothing. There are differences in the methods used by all the great leaders, but there is no difference in the ultimate objective.” (一切贤圣皆以无为法而有差别。) There is no fixed method to achieve the ultimate objective; but there are different methods that we can follow (有不是实有，无不是实无). If you think your methods are right, obviously you will think the methods of other religions are wrong; if you think no fixed method really means there is no good method, evidently you will become bewilder; and you will experience the sufferings of birth and death. (以有为有，以无为无，则必然有生有灭。)

Stop judging who is right and who is wrong. All human distinctions are false. Nameless encompasses all the names, and each name is a member of the “nameless” family. The nameless things (meaning no differentiation made although there are differences) and the various things having different names are the same things; having differences don’t necessarily need to have different names. (空不异色 色不异空 空即是色 色即是空。) With no differentiation (i.e. no naming, no name-calling), we can love ugly as well as beautiful, love noise as well as music, love foul as well as fragrant, love yucky as well as delicious, love rough as well as smooth, love illogical as well as logical, love small as well as big, love short as well as long, love bad as well as good, love cheap as well as precious. They are divided and named differently because of our desire (欲) to divide them; but the simple division or over-simplification is flaw because of our limitations. We are making mistakes. Lao Zi said: “At the beginning of the Heaven and Earth, everything has no name (无名 天地之始也)”. Life and death, young and old, clever and foolish, clean and dirty, more or less, right and wrong, and a myriad of definitions are born or come into existence (in our brains) as different classes because of our subjective bias (有名 万物之母也). We then start to prefer life and hate death, prefer young and hate old, prefer clever and hate foolish, prefer clean and hate dirty, prefer more and hate less, prefer right and hate wrong, prefer good and hate bad, prefer beautiful and hate ugly. We are so not intelligent to let our emotion be negatively affected by our own desire (欲) to see the reality as divided and make our own interpretations. If we never make division and the subsequent preference, we will see no difference between life and death; the border between life and death is like a door which we walk right through from one side to the other. We should just keep on walking like we do every day. Instead of naming one side as “life” and the other as “death”, why not we consider them as one extended road with no name (不生不灭)? Then, there will be no good reason to prefer “life” and hate “death” anymore; we can embrace life as well as death.

Buddha said: “One who wants to admonish another should first ponder like this; ‘Am I or am I not one who practices complete purity in body and speech? Are these qualities present in me or not?’ If they are not there will no doubt be people who will say; ‘Come now, why don’t you practice complete purity in body and speech first?’ Again, one who wants to admonish another should first ponder like this; ‘Have I freed myself from ill will and developed a mind of goodwill towards others. Are these qualities present in me or not?’ If they are not there will no doubt be people who will say; ‘Come now, why don’t you develop a mind of goodwill yourself?’”

Zhuang Zi had high respect for Confucius, although he didn’t agree with the teaching of Confucius. He believed Confucius knew the Dao or the ultimate truth but chose the pragmatic path which was more easily accepted by the common people. Unfortunately, Confucius advocacies for compassion and righteousness were not practical during the Warring State period; a country would soon be conquered by its neighbor if it didn’t have harsh rules on conscription of army and large budget from heavy taxes, hence cannot afford to practice compassion and righteousness. Fixed principles are not suitable for a rapidly changing world.

When Confucius traveled to the city of Kuang, the people there mistook him as Yang Hu who was a thuggish minister. Confucius was surrounded and stranded. Confucius told his disciples: “Don’t worry. Keep listening to my lectures.” A disciple asked: “Master, why are you not afraid?” Confucius said: “Swimming in the river and not afraid of crocodile is the courage of fishermen. Walking in the jungle and not afraid of wild animals is the courage of hunters. Fighting in the battlefield and not afraid of enemy’s swords is the courage of knights. Knowing the going of life (命运) naturally has up and down; therefore, not afraid to face disastrous moments in life is the courage of the Sages.” Not long later, a leader of the rioting crowd went in and apologized to Confucius for the mistake. The riot was then disbanded. This is a story told by Zhuang Zi about a true historical event. It shows the respect of Zhuang Zi for Confucius. A great leader has no fear for his safety, because he is not afraid to die. He lives as he should, releases pleasant smell as he is, and not worry about what will happen to him tomorrow. He may be thinking every day about creating a better future for the people he loves, but he never feel worried about what will really happen. (《孟子·离娄下》: 君子有终生之忧，无一朝之患也。)

Table of Content: HOW TO RAISE A RESILIENT KID: I AM NOT RIGHT BUT THAT’S OK

The success of Qin Shi Huang to unite China after the Warring State Period was not his sole credit. It was the work of more than 7 generations of noble kings in succession before him; no bad king in between. They have used a kind of leadership strategy called 霸道 (Ba Dao); something similar to hegemony or authoritarianism. However, the Qin Dynasty (221-207 B.C.) only lasted for a short 14 years. The strategy which led to its success also led to its failure. Ba Dao is useful to conquer the world (得天下) but detrimental to the governing of the Empire (治天下). The leadership strategy used by the US has the characteristics of Ba Dao; i.e. the use of force or coercion to portray fake compassion. (孟子说：“以力假仁者霸。以德行仁者王”。) According to Meng Zi, a better strategy is 王道(Wang Dao); i.e. the exercise of benevolence to effect true compassion. The leadership strategy used by China today has the characteristics of Wang Dao. It is gaining supports and popularity. Africa nations, Asia, Russia, Middle-East nations, and now European nations are attracted and voluntarily form affiliations (not necessarily alliances) with China for mutual and multilateral good. Wang Dao is the pull factor; Ba Dao of the US is the push factor. US is increasingly isolating itself and pushing its friends toward the panda hug. It looks like the Warring State Period again when the various States are not permanent friends nor foes but occasionally co-operated to defend themselves against the aggression of the “Qin State”.

The history goes back to a Chancellor of Qin State known as 商鞅 (Shang Yang) around 359 B.C. In his first meeting with king 秦孝公 (Qin Xiao Gong), he advised the king to apply 帝道 (Di Dao); a strategy used by former great kings which eventually gave the people the greatest benevolence such that the people were so self-reliant and they forgot about any benevolence ever coming from the great kings. There was no tax, and the kings doesn’t meddle in the personal lives of the people; therefore, the people has no memory about the benevolence of the kings and never think about the kings in their daily lives. Qin Xiao Gong was not interested in the strategy.

In the second meeting with the king, Shang Yang advised the king to apply Wang Dao; a strategy used by the founding kings of Zhou Dynasty, which has the characteristics of Federalism consisting of a group of states with a central government but independence in internal affairs. Again, the king was not interested.

In the third meeting, Shang Yang advised the king to apply Ba Dao. The king was so interested and continued to listen to Shang Yang’s full lectures about Ba Dao. Finally, the king appointed Shang Yang as the Chancellor of Qin State. The subsequent kings used the same strategy for many generations and led to the rise of Qin State from a small State to a hegemony State which threaten the survival of the six other States.

Ba Dao is all about self-interest. The king will do absolutely everything to “Make Qin Great”. The king lied, cheated, stole, robbed, and conquered other States whenever possible. He instigated the other States to fight between each others and destroyed their alliances. He bribed the Chancellors and ministers of other States to cause chaos in their own States, including coups. The corruptions and decays of the States led to their eventual downfalls. The forming of The United States of China aka Qin Dynasty was not due to the rise of Qin State alone; but mainly due to the weakening of the other States. How similar it is to the strategy used by the US today? If we don’t learn from history, history will rhyme although it doesn’t repeat itself. Unfortunately, the only thing we learnt from history is we learnt nothing; hence, we keep seeing history rhymes.

The use of Wang Dao is how China is affecting the global leadership.

Table of Content: HOW TO RAISE A RESILIENT KID: I AM NOT RIGHT BUT THAT’S OK

The biggest problem people have in the modern world compared to past centuries is we are unable to feel happy on our own. It is like a disability; like we have evolve into a species which cannot “walk”. Especially in the modern countries, approximately 10%-25% of the population report experiencing a common mental health problem (such as anxiety and depression) each year. We can expect there are much more who are feeling unhappy every day. Every year, The World Happiness Report ranks 156 countries by their happiness levels, and 117 countries by the happiness of their immigrants. Of course, the way in which the Happiness Index is calculated may not really reflect how the population feel; just like how the official Consumer Price Index (CPI) does not reflect the economic reality of price changes in that there is a big gap between actual consumer experience and government data. Happiness is more appropriately measured using the method Psychologists and Psychiatrists use to measure depression, anxiety, and stress. Nevertheless, the fact that people are concern enough to measure happiness of the population shows that it is really a problem which rightfully need a solution. To find the solution, we must first investigate the root cause of the problem. Why we become more unhappy when our living standard has improved tremendously compared to past centuries? Is it fair to blame it on the quality of housing, material comfort, digital gadgets, and wealth experienced by us? Is it fair to blame it on wealth inequality? The Happiness Index is a measurement of how we should feel happy with what we have, but it doesn’t reflect what we actually feel.

Happiness is determined by how we manage our expectations in every aspect of our lives. We feel happy when the outcomes meet our expectations; we feel unhappy otherwise. Obviously, if we set our expectations too high, chances are we will be unhappy most of the time. We don’t feel grateful with what we already have; we don’t know how fortunate we are compared to our parents and grandparents; and many hardcore poor people in the world. We become so sensitive with what other people say; we get angry when we think we are right but other people say we are wrong. We live in the greatest prison which is the fear of what other people think. We feel envy or even jealous of what the rich have. We want to be as clever and successful as someone we admire. We want to be famous, or at least admirable by countless others. We want to have friends to help us but not so much about being a good friend who helps others. We like to hear what we want to hear. We are afraid to die although we don’t feel the joy of living. We want to live longer and healthier than everybody else. We want to occupy the seat and continue playing the game; we refuse to let go and leave it to others to have a chance to play it. We want so much from life, not realizing that happiness is running away faster as we chase it. We must pursue happiness by not pursuing it; happiness will then come to us voluntarily.

HOW TO RAISE A RESILIENT KID: I AM NOT RIGHT BUT THAT’S OK

When everybody is empowered to feel happy in all circumstances, everybody will be resilient. Nobody will need help from anybody, except in some rare occasions. Nobody will need to help anybody, except in some rare occasions. Nobody will spread lies, consume too much and cause climate crisis, behave violently towards others, need social welfare, tax the rich, need internet privacy, and anything which is not really essential to live happily every second of the day. The Earth will not need our help. That is the best benevolence. The best benevolence is no need for benevolence.

Chung Boon Kuan’s answer to Why should I continue to live when I know I have no purpose or reason? It’s kinda pointless at this point.

I have many imperfections (not healthy, not wealthy, not beautiful, etc.); but that doesn’t mean there is any problem with me. Similarly, the world has many imperfections; but that doesn’t mean there is any problem which MUST BE solved. The world is perfectly imperfect. When people are unhappy, they see every imperfection as a problem; they further have an issue with every solution. The imperfections need not be perfected. Of course, we can try to improve them; but viewing them as problems is not necessary. Linguistically, we can call them “problems”; but they are not real problems which MUST BE solved, or deserve the sacrifice of our inner peace. People feeling unhappy is the biggest “problem”.

Table of Content: HOW TO RAISE A RESILIENT KID: I AM NOT RIGHT BUT THAT’S OK

Many Buddhists are not monks or nuns and live ordinary lives. What aspects of Buddhism do you think help people live happily in life and help others to do the same?

I think most people are attracted to Buddhism because of the spirit of love; you can call it the loving kindness energy of Buddha. It is probably the same for Christians and Muslims, that they are attracted to the religions because of the spirit of love. Love makes us happy. The happiness is boosted when we are loved.

I am not a monk. I love my wife and two children very much. I think they are the best things that ever happen to me in my life. I am happy because I can love them and they accept my love without any question. (If you do that to someone else, he/she may suspect you are up to something no good, even if you are a monk.) I am happy when they are happy. There is nothing else I want from them, although their love will boost my happiness. I don’t want to die, I am keen to live, but I have no regret if I die tomorrow. I have loved, and I have been loved. Most people want something in return when they do something. Some parents think their children owe them a lot. They don’t realize how fortunate they are to be able to love someone and to be loved. Some people only want to be loved but they don’t express any love to anyone because they are unable to feel happy loving someone; it is really a disability. They have a lot of suffering in their heart because they always feel unhappy, waiting to get something, to be loved, or for someone to make them happy. This is due to greed or craving. Some people cannot love and cannot feel loved because they have a lot of anger, hatred or aversions; they don’t like this or that, and they don’t like this person or that person. Some people cannot feel happy because they have a lot of delusions; they don’t like the reality which they see but want it to be the way he likes to see. They are ignorant of the fact that the world is perfectly imperfect, and there is nothing we absolutely must change, although we can choose to change something for the fun of it. They are angry that some countries are not democracy, or some people are not free to riot against the government. They assume the people are oppressed by the government although foods and clothing are plentiful. They think they have the obligation, moral standing, authority, and ability to do something. And they must do it instead of the people themselves. They don’t care whether the outcome will be worse than the present. The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. They are just causing themselves to suffer and doing nothing good for the world. The Buddha said these are the three types of fire (greed/craving, hatred/aversion, and delusion/ignorance) which must be extinguished in order to achieve the true Enlightenment.

When I was introduced to Buddhism, I was told that the Buddha loves me and he wants me to be happy. He wants absolutely nothing from me. He advises me to love everybody like he does, expect nothing in return, because that is the best way for me to be happy. If everybody waits to be loved and no one wants to provide love, there will be no love to go around for everybody to swim in it. If you overcome your disability to love, you will feel like you have learnt to walk without a crutch. This is one aspect of Buddhism which helps people live happily in life and help others to do the same. I just want you to be happy. If that happiness includes me, that is great. If it doesn’t, I just want you to be happy and wish you success walking on the path of happiness.

The Buddha emphasizes self-help, and never waits for anyone to help you. It is very different from the belief in God of other religions. In fact, Buddhism is more like a philosophy than a religion. Therefore, it is sometime very hard to practice for some people. Ordinary people have a lot of fear. They feel they are weak and need someone or God to save them. They need someone to comfort them. They cannot accept it if you advise them to learn the way to save themselves. Like what other religions do, you don’t want to scare them away because you love them. Therefore, the way Buddha taught the monks was different from how he talked to ordinary people. It is a matter of whether you are ready to hear the Truth. For example, Gautama Buddha talked about how Amitabha Buddha, a celestial Buddha in the West Heaven, vowed to bring everyone home if he/she calls out for him before the last breath of his/her life. Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva vowed to transform into various forms to save everybody everywhere in the world and foregone his opportunity to become a Buddha. Politicians vowed to save the people if they are elected. It is not wrong if the people like to hear it. These are neither truth nor falsehood. It is like marijuana or pain killer which some people may need although it doesn’t really cure the illness. The Buddha teaches us not to judge what is right and what is wrong. The only thing which is wrong is to make yourself unhappy. Right is wrong if it causes chaos; wrong is right if it creates harmony. Start living and stop thinking too much about what will happen in the future. Stop disparaging religions for giving false hopes to the believers. If religions bring them peace and happiness, make them non-violent, who are we to judge that they are wrong? Why are we making ourselves suffer unhappiness in terms of sadness or anger about other people’s lives which have nothing to do with us? Love and attachment are two different things. Love means you want them to be happy. Attachment means you want them to make you happy; often by making them obey what you say or do what you expect them to do, as if they are your properties. The stronger you grasp, the harder it is for you to let go. If you have no attachment, you will never feel sad or angry for losing something or someone. We never really lose anything, because nothing really belongs to us.

Gautama Buddha never set out to save the world. He was trying to save himself from the suffering of life in terms of physical pain, aging, illness, sadness, anger, jealousy, anxiety, depression, etc. He only wanted to find the way to escape being reborn into this world again and again to suffer the same cycle of birth and death. After he attained Enlightenment, he didn’t want to preach anything to anybody. His former companions who sought for Enlightenment begged him to help them achieved their endeavor to escape the cycle of birth and death. In the first sermon, the Buddha presented the Four Noble Truths. According to Buddha, (1) the lives of most people are full of sufferings. (2) The sufferings are due to desires which are not fulfilled. (3) One is freed from all sufferings when he let go of the desires. (4) Everyone can do it, by walking on the right path. Ordinary people cannot see the obvious truth because they put a defective lens in front of their eyes. They think that having no desire is torturous; you can’t have this and that. It is a torture if you are forced to have no desire. It is a relief if you choose to have no desire. When you have no desire, every little victory can make you happy, simply because it exceeds your expectation which is zero expectation. As a free soul, you can also choose to have a little bit of desire from time to time if you choose to do so. You can stay on the island of perpetual happiness; but you can also choose to swim in the bitter sea from time to time so long as you don’t swim too far away from the shore. It doesn’t make sense for a monk to have so much desire to become the supreme leader that he wishes to be reborn again and again, to sit on the throne each time he is reborn. It doesn’t make sense for a monk to work as a CIA agent and risk the lives of others just for him to return as the supreme leader, in the name of freedom but not the essence. It doesn’t make sense for a monk to worry about the future and assume he is the only one who can bring a better life to the people. Having good intention doesn’t automatically give you the right to meddle with the lives of others; definitely not at the cost of creating a “sea of bloods” from thousands but not from yourself. Whatever happens is the work of Karma. There is a reason why you are suffering or enjoying life now. Nothing is permanent. Joy can turn into disaster, and sadness can make you appreciate happiness. Don’t desire to save the world; save anybody whenever and wherever you can (随缘). Buddha cannot help anyone who doesn’t destine to receive his help; no one can defy Karma. Live happily and help others to do the same, but not imposing your belief on others. Your help may cause more suffering to others and yourself if you simply don’t have the right ability to help. If everybody saves himself/herself and nobody needs to be saved by anybody else, the world will be a Heaven. The best benevolence is no need for benevolence.

Some religious fanatics practice Dominion Theology, seeking to institute a nation governed by Christians/Muslims based on their personal understandings of biblical laws. They assume they are right and everybody else who disagrees with them is wrong. They may have good intention to save the people and their religions, because they think a person can only be saved or worth saving if he/she obeys the biblical laws. Everybody else can go to hell. They have no hesitation to bomb the villages and kill millions of innocent civilians whom they don’t know personally whether they are good or evil. And then they pretend to care about them or freedom of religions. They think religious terrorists must be allowed to practice their religious belief so long as it is not in their home country. I don’t believe this is the original teaching of the prophets. The fundamental of all major religions is always about compassion and never about hatred. All these competitions for believers (whether it is about religions or democracy/communism ideologies) are so silly. If you like to think that you are right, and you need to be right, you will get hurt when someone says you are wrong; you will hurt someone when you say he/she is wrong. If you want to be not right, so long as you are not wrong, no words can hurt you anymore; and you will not go around hurting someone by accusing him/her to be morally wrong. You will feel so liberating. You can read my blog if you want to learn more. HOW TO RAISE A RESILIENT KID: I AM NOT RIGHT BUT THAT’S OK I just want you to be happy. There is nothing I want from you or anybody.

Is there any religious law that Buddhists must obey? Anybody is welcomed to be a Buddhist, and free to leave. You can even go back and forth. The Buddha just wants you to be happy. No ceremony is necessary; no fees are charged except voluntary donation in the smallest amount which you can afford. You don’t have to be a monk. You just need to vow to follow the Five Precepts as best as you can. The five are (1) no killing, (2) no stealing, (3) no lying or malicious talk, (4) no sexual misconduct, and (5) no intoxicant. If you are a butcher, don’t kill more than you have to. Tigers are not sinful because they never kill more than they can eat. In fact, sin is not a concept in Buddhism. The Buddha advises us to follow the Five Precepts for our happiness. Violating the Five Precepts will simply boost the fires of greed, hatred, and delusion in our hearts. Then, we will never reach the island of perpetual happiness, because we are swimming in the opposite direction. It is called Akusala Karma or moral quality which is bound to result eventually in suffering. Fear, obligation and guilt are not good for our mental health; but these are effective tools that the government can use to control the people and maintain social order. We must always do good things because we want to, not because we have to. Be a good person instead of just not a bad person because you are afraid to be punished by the laws. We should make Kusala Karma or actions which are bound to result eventually in happiness and favorable outcome. Cause and effect are natural phenomena; no one can change the Law of Nature. Instead of not killing, why not save some lives? Instead of not stealing, why not make some donations? Instead of malicious talk, why not say something sweet or useful to help others feel happy?

Buddhism is well received in China because it resonates with Chinese philosophies. Anybody is welcomed to be a Chinese, and free to leave. Everybody can become a Chinese

Compassion is the highest virtue of Confucianism. Compassion here means unconditional love. (樊迟问仁。子曰：“爱人。”) Confucius himself dared not say that he had achieved that highest virtue. He said: “There are three attributes for one to be considered a gentleman. I am unable to achieve those. A compassionate person is never worried; a wise person is never fooled; and a courageous person is never afraid.” (子曰“君子道者三，我无能焉，仁者不忧，知者不惑，勇者不惧。”)

Lao Zi said: “There are three important principles that I uphold with determination: the first is unconditional love for others; the second is thrifty, emotionally and financially; the third is dare not compete to become a world leader. One who has unconditional love will be able to be courageous. One who is thrifty will be able to reach out more widely. One who dares not compete to become a world leader will be able to lead the accomplishment of various tasks. If we abandon unconditional love but only behave courageously; abandon thrifty but still try to reach out widely; abandon compromise and stay behind but be the first to start a fight; we will face great danger. A leader with unconditional love for his people will be able to win when he goes to a war; have a sturdy defense against aggressors when he set up a defensive wall. When the Nature wants to fortify something, it will use unconditional love to sustain it.” (我恒有三宝，持而保之：一曰慈，二曰俭，三曰不敢为天下先。慈故能勇，俭故能广， 不敢为天下先，故能成事长。今舍其慈，且勇；舍其俭，且广；舍其后，且先；则必死矣。夫慈，以战则胜，以守则固。天将健之，如以慈垣之。)

Table of Content: HOW TO RAISE A RESILIENT KID: I AM NOT RIGHT BUT THAT’S OK

The Renaissance in European history marked the transition from the Middle Ages to modernity. It was a break from the past, when people started to question about their religious belief. The intellectual basis of the Renaissance was its version of humanism, and the rediscovery of classical Greek philosophy, in particular the theme of “Man is the measure of all things.” This new thinking became manifest in art, architecture, politics, science and literature.

The Age of Enlightenment (also known as the Age of Reason) was an intellectual and philosophical movement that dominated the world of ideas in Europe during the 18th century, the “Century of Philosophy”. Philosophers and scientists of the period widely circulated their ideas in printed books, journals, and pamphlets. The ideas of the Enlightenment undermined the authority of the monarchy and the Church and paved the way for political revolutions. The Enlightenment included a range of ideas centered on reason as the primary source of knowledge. The central doctrines of the Enlightenment philosophers were individual liberty and religious tolerance, in opposition to an absolute monarchy and the fixed dogmas of the Roman Catholic Church. The Enlightenment was marked by an emphasis on the scientific method and reductionism, along with increased questioning of religious orthodoxy.

Chinese had their age of Renaissance and Enlightenment 3000 years ago. It started at the beginning of Zhou Dynasty in 1046 BC after the toppling of Shang Dynasty, when Chinese Culture was founded. The rhetoric to topple the Shang Dynasty was: “human is the top most priority in the hierarchy of all things, including gods” (人是万物之灵). After the establishment of Zhou Dynasty, there was no more human sacrifice. Various schools of philosophy were founded, including Confucianism (儒家), Daoism (道家), Legalism (法家), Moism (墨家), and others. Many books were written by philosophers and scientists (阴阳家, 农家, 医家 · 兵家). All Chinese philosophies have one common trait: putting the happiness of human at the center of everything (以人为本). As you can see, the similarity to The Renaissance is humanism, and “Man is the measure of all things.” The similarity to The Age of Enlightenment is the focus on reason as the primary source of knowledge.

The Renaissance and The Age of Enlightenment paved the way to Industrial Revolutions. Similarly, Chinese philosophies contributed a lot to the various great inventions of Chinese. The Benefits of Chinese Philosophies 2 are rooted to the idea of Collectivism.

When a person believes that his success or failure is solely determined by the God, it has a great impact on his psychology. Although he may still work hard, he tends to believe that he cannot achieve success with his own effort alone. He needs the God to give him some helps. Therefore, he may not put in 100% effort to find the solutions but wait for miracles. This is not necessarily a bad thing, because he will then put less pressure on himself; it reduces his stress level and improves his mental health. However, it doesn’t help in maximizing scientific discoveries and inventions.

Yi Jing (易经) was revised by the first King of Zhou Dynasty. It was the mother philosophy which gave birth to a myriad of other philosophies. In the first and most important idea or 乾卦, it teaches people to poses the strength similar to the Heaven and never give up (天行健，君子以自强不息). Like the Heaven which will never collapse, the Sun never fail to rise every morning, a gentleman should also work hard to become self-reliant and resilient. In the second idea or 坤卦, it teaches people to poses the loving spirit like the Mother Earth and be benevolent to everything and everybody (地势坤；君子以厚德载物). Like the Mother Earth which never fail to support everything on Earth, providing unlimited benevolence, a gentleman should also have a sense of responsibility and sense of mission to become someone who provides rather than receiving helps from others. Chinese believe that the will of a person can do impossible things (人定胜天). This probably contributed to the various great inventions in the history.

Western economists are very sure Socialism can never work. The theory is based on certain assumptions about human behaviors. In particular, it assumes that humans are selfish and most people never think about doing charity, but wait for charity from others or the government. Individualists and Capitalists are openly selfish; they don’t think there is anything wrong for being selfish. Adam Smith said: “Every individual necessarily labours to render the annual revenue of the society as great as he can. He generally neither intends to promote the public interest, nor knows how much he is promoting it … He intends only his own gain, and he is in this, as in many other cases, led by an invisible hand to promote an end which was no part of his intention. Nor is it always the worse for society that it was no part of his intention. By pursuing his own interest he frequently promotes that of the society more effectually than when he really intends to promote it. I have never known much good done by those who affected to trade for the public good.” Collectivists are brainwashed to love others, and some to the extend of sacrificing themselves for Collective good. True Confucian finds happiness in giving instead of taking; he/she loves being compassionate (仁) and lives up to it. True Confucian wishes to be known and remembered in the history as a gentleman (君子) more than anything else. Everybody thinks about his/her responsibility to the society first, before thinking about the benefits he/she stands to gain from peaceful social order. That is why China is different, and Socialism can work in China.

Table of Content: HOW TO RAISE A RESILIENT KID: I AM NOT RIGHT BUT THAT’S OK

If you only read quotes of the Buddha on the internet, most of them are not really coming from him. However, that doesn’t mean these are falsehoods; neither are these the truths. These quotes are mostly invented by Buddhists based on the teaching of Buddha. It is never out of ill intention, but to share what they understood and help radiate the loving kindness energy of the Buddha. Many of these are really helpful to bring happiness and reduce suffering of the people who read them. Of course, misunderstanding could also result.

Many people like to pick words out of an essay and interpret them out of the original context. If you really want to understand the original message, you must read the original essay.

There is no shortcut to Enlightenment. You must learn the Way of the Buddha AND walk the path. After that, you will have no more suffering. The Truth cannot be told, simply because there is no way to say it. One can only experience it himself/herself by following the path. Whatever the Buddha said was neither the Truth nor falsehood. He was simply pointing the direction; you must not mistaken his finger as the Way.

Many Buddha quotes on the internet have the soothing effect to reduce the emotional suffering of Buddhists. It is like a pain killer which reduces the symptom but not curing the illness. That doesn’t mean it is not useful or necessary; don’t be quick to judge what is right and what is wrong. However, a better approach is of course to eradicate the root of the illness and get the permanent relief. All suffering are mind manifestations. It is all in the brain. If you don’t control it, it will control you. You must watch your mind.

Table of Content: HOW TO RAISE A RESILIENT KID: I AM NOT RIGHT BUT THAT’S OK

Dalai Lama is respected so much throughout the world because he is famous (like a movie star) and not so much about his contribution to the world. He is famous because he wanted to become famous, for political reason; i.e. to regain his position as the leader of Tibet. He is no longer the leader of Tibet. He doesn’t want to make peace with China, because he insists that Tibet is his territory and he must be the leader and not someone else. This goes against the teaching of Buddha. He was willing to be a pawn of the US to fight with China (before Nixon) so long as he gets what he wants; “love for peace” gets thrown under the bus. Of course, the US do not fight China anymore, except competing “peacefully”. Yet he is used occasionally to remind China about how he is an “asset” of the US (like Uygurs terrorist organization) that can cause some problems in China. As an intelligent person, he knows full well the US will never start a war with China for him. As an “asset”, of course the US will help him to become famous so that the value appreciates. He will fail if he goes around the world fighting as the former ruler of Tibet, because nobody cares about helping a deposed king to regain his throne. He has to sell himself as a learned Buddhist monk. There are definitely many Buddhist monks who are better than him (but not become famous) in terms of knowing the Way of the Buddha and walking the path according to the Way of the Buddha. There is a different between knowing and actually practicing it.

Tibet belongs to all Tibetans instead of a king. So long as Tibetans are happy, it doesn’t matter who is the leader. Tibetans will never again be the lower lives of the landowners. The return of the deposed king is not necessary. A good leader is one who brings better lives to the people. Let a better leader take over instead of insisting to occupy the throne.

The Buddha never seek to become famous; it was totally the doing of Karma. After Gautama achieved Enlightenment, he didn’t want to preach anything to anybody. His former companions who sought for Enlightenment begged him to help them achieved their endeavor to escape the cycle of birth and death. They didn’t want to be reborn into this world again to experience the suffering of life in an endless cycle. In the first sermon, the Buddha presented the Four Noble Truths. According to Buddha, (1) the lives of most people are full of sufferings. (2) The sufferings are due to desires which are not fulfilled. (3) One is freed from all sufferings when he let go of the desires. (4) Everyone can do it, by walking on the right path. The thinking that you have lost something, and you must do something in order to get something which you want, are the desires which lead to emotional suffering. Wanting to return as the leader of Tibet which he thinks belong to him but lose to someone else is a suffering to Dalai Lama. Anybody can have desires, therefore enduring the associated suffering, but not a true Buddhist monk. We never really lose anything, because nothing really belong to us. YOU ONLY LOSE WHAT YOU CLING TO

Devadatta (a disciple of the Buddha) wanted to kill the Buddha and takeover his leadership role. He fed large amount of liquor to Nalagiri, the most dangerous elephant in the royal herd of elephants, until it became dangerously drunk. Then the drunken elephant was beaten to make it extremely angry and violent. Finally, the angry, violent, drunk elephant was directed to the street where the Buddha was coming for alms. Nalagiri smashed everything that was on its way. People were terrified and screamed together in one voice. Nalagiri was dashing violently towards the Buddha. All the disciples who were with Buddha was horrified at this terrible sight and scrambled to flee for safety. Only Disciple Ananda stood firmly beside the Buddha. At that time, Buddha himself remained totally at ease and composed. He stood where he was and radiated his loving-kindness towards the elephant. Buddha’s love and compassion were so strong and powerful that the elephant could feel it. Just a few steps before it was about to charge into the Buddha, it stopped in its path and calmed down. It then trotted towards Buddha and respectfully bowed its head. Buddha stroked the elephant’s trunk and comforted it with soft and kind words. The elephant was totally tamed.

Love can appease any hatred only if your power of love is great enough. You can never have enough power of love if you do not abandon all desire and all attachment. Buddha would have been killed by Devadatta and the elephant otherwise. However, his power of love was not enough to overrule Devadatta’s love of power. His power of love could not appease the hatred of Devadatta against him; he could not make everybody loves him. Gandhi’s misjudged of his own power of love led to his assassination by his followers.

Table of Content: HOW TO RAISE A RESILIENT KID: I AM NOT RIGHT BUT THAT’S OK

We must live harmoniously based on the commonalities (such as compassion) between religions instead of fighting over the differences. There are many misunderstanding between believers of different religions and these may lead to conflicts. The misunderstanding are due to ignorance, refusing to understand each other, or ill-intention of preachers to outright distorting the contents of other religions. Karen Armstrong was a Roman Catholic nun. I like her book on Buddha, in particular. It is so honest, and has no bias; unlike other books written by Christians who try to “Christianize” other religions and philosophies, viewing them through Christian’s lens or interpret them according to the concepts of Christianity. She has also written many other books such as “The First Christian: Saint Paul’s Impact on Christianity”, “Holy War: The Crusades and their Impact on Today’s World”, “Muhammad: A Biography of the Prophet”, “A History of God”, “The Battle for God: Fundamentalism in Judaism, Christianity and Islam”, etc. She is so open-minded. Some religious authorities forbid believers from reading the sacred texts of other religions, fearing that they will be proselytized. Some religious authorities forbid non-believers from writing about the religion. The fear is a sign of insecurity, or lack of confident in their God, contrary to their strong faith in the almighty God. I don’t believe this is the original teaching of the prophets.

Both Buddha and Jesus preached love, peace, non-violence, and compassion. I don’t think they disagree with each other on anything, because everything else is secondary. There are surely many differences between the two teachings, but each will respect the right to free-speech, the right to their own opinions, and not get offended or accuse the other as being wrong. It is the fault of believers who want to pick a fight over religions which created disagreements, conflicts, violence, and fears. Although everybody is “protected” by the laws, non-believers fear being persecuted by believers, because believers tend to take the laws into their own hand. Right of free-speech “guaranteed” by the laws is meaningless if you have to self-censor before you speak due to fear of being persecuted by the public.

One misunderstanding about Atheists is: Atheism is not about disbelief of God. What is Atheism? | American Atheists Atheism is not an affirmative belief that there is no god nor does it answer any other question about what a person believes. It is simply a rejection of the assertion that there are gods. Buddha believes the existence of gods, but reject the assertion that gods rule over each and every human. Gods and ghosts, like other creatures, co-exist with humans. Humans are not the creation of gods nor Maha-mariamman (Maha means great, Mariamman means Mother Mari; she is the main Mother goddess to some Hindus). In that sense, Buddhists’ belief on the existence of gods is very different from Christians. Buddha said that everybody, including gods, can become a Buddha and escape the cycle of birth and death. By the way, some people believe the story that Jesus had his education at Varanasi and Puri where he studied yoga and Hindu Scriptures, between the age of 13 and 30. He also studied Buddhism in Kashmir and Laddakh. There was a book by Holger Kersten called “Jesus Lived in India”.

Jesus tried to preach the Truth to people. Buddha said that the Truth cannot be told; one can only experience it himself by walking the path. This is probably the most fundamental difference between the opinions of Buddha and Jesus. However, Buddha will never say anything is right or wrong in general. All generalizations are not right, but not necessarily wrong. Hence, you will find that Buddhist monks are usually very quiet and dislike making comments about what is right and what is wrong. There are right in wrong, and wrong in right. Whatever Jesus preached was about love, peace, non-violence, and compassion. It is not important to the believers what the Truth is, so long as they benefited from the teachings, in terms of mind and body. In Buddhism as a religion today (rather than a Philosophy), many Buddhist monks preach to believers about rituals, practices, do-and-don’t, and even “the ways of the Buddha” which are not taught by the Buddha. A true Buddhist would not say these are wrong; these are not right, but okay if it brings happiness to the people, and it is about love, peace, non-violence, and compassion. There is only one “way of the Buddha”, but there are many ways to learn the “way of the Buddha”. Some people cannot instantly accept the “way of the Buddha”, therefore inductions (or inducements) are needed to guide them gradually through many different ways. There is no guarantee that these ways are effective; however, so long as the intention is genuinely for the happiness of the people, let the outcomes be determined by Karma. Brainwash is not always bad. Brainwash can be un-brainwashed through another round of brainwash, or through Enlightenment by oneself. When a person is inducted (or induced) into believing in love, peace, non-violence, and compassion, he will benefit personally and the society will also benefit.

ALL MANMADE DISTINCTIONS ARE FALSE. Heart Sutra is considered as the heart or the core of Buddhism; hence, the name Heart Sutra. Buddha said that nothing is real; everything looks real but not actually real. We gain nothing in our life, therefore we never really lose anything. Form is no different to emptiness, emptiness is no different to form. Mind manifestations give rise to the virtual reality; what we feel with our five-senses and what we think, therefore our emotions are not real. When you understand and experience what Buddha really means, you will have no fear, obligation, and guilt.

The best sacred text has no word in it. In the Diamond Sutra, Buddha said: “If a sacred text is said to belong to Buddhism, then it is not a sacred text of Buddhism.” (所谓佛法者，即非佛法。) “Whatever the Buddha said cannot be used as a doctrine and cannot be told to others as such. The ultimate truth cannot be written down in words but it doesn’t mean there are no words that can point you to the ultimate truth.” (如来所说法，皆不可取，不可说。非法非非法。) Whatever the Buddha said was neither truth nor falsehood. “If someone says a Sure Way to achieve Enlightenment is said by the Buddha, it is actually a slander. It is because he cannot understand what I said. My dear disciple, Subhuti! For the so-called Way of Saying It, there is really no way to say it. That is why it is called a Way of Saying It.” (若人言：如来有所说法，即为谤佛，不能解我所说故。须菩提！说法者，无法可说，是名说法。) Buddha would not keep it as a secret; unfortunately, the Way cannot be told. He could only point out the direction. One will have to find his way and experience it himself.

The commonalities of all major religions are about love, peace, non-violence, and compassion. When believers fight over religions, they go against the core values and original purposes of their religions. Fighting and competition is all about winning; the stink of greed, hatred, and delusion is so obvious. However, the believers are blinded by the the fires in their hearts and could not smell the stink. The new term for that is cognitive dissonance, as applied to Trump’s supporters. Dominion theology (ideologies that seek to institute a nation governed by Christians/Muslims based on their personal understandings of biblical law) was not preached by the prophets. Anyway, I am happy that people worldwide are becoming more open-minded and able to return to the core values of their religions. I am optimistic about the future when Muslims in Jakarta are open to eating pork.

Table of Content: HOW TO RAISE A RESILIENT KID: I AM NOT RIGHT BUT THAT’S OK

Success is about being able to put a smile on your face every morning, knowing that everything is going to be great today. It is possible to achieve that, without doing anything or having anything to do, once you have achieved Arahantship. However, if you are still suffering like common people do, you need to have a purpose in life. The purpose of life is to live happily, so that your life is not wasted. Everybody has the potential to have a meaningful life; life is meaningless without happiness. This is important for everybody to realize, before it is to late, for his/her happiness. Some people say the purpose of life is to find your purpose yourself. I think it is more accurate to say: The purpose of life is to attain happiness; the mission of life is to find the way and walk the path yourself to achieve that purpose. It doesn’t matter whether you do something or nothing, but you definitely need to do something if you have a mission. Upon mission completion, you don’t have to do anything anymore, although you may choose to do something to help others to find their ways and walk their paths. Then, you become a Bodhisattva. You can’t say Arahant and Bodhisattva are not successful.

If you were born without hands and legs, or even bedridden and seemingly not able to do anything, can you be successful? You are not successful if you feel unhappy; but you can become successful if you find the way and walk the path in your heart. Happiness and Success

Table of Content: HOW TO RAISE A RESILIENT KID: I AM NOT RIGHT BUT THAT’S OK

I wrote a similar answer two days ago. Boon Kuan Chung’s answer to If success is not necessary for happiness, why pursue success?

It is not normal for Shaolin monks to have the ability to withstand deadly assaults. It takes a lot of practice, both mind and body. Similarly, it is not normal to be able to feel happy when everything seems to be terrible. But normal means it is the characteristic of the majority, i.e. not extraordinary. You may even say normal means mediocre. There is nothing great about being normal; but there is nothing wrong for being normal. Not everyone can become extraordinary in the area of sports, sciences, economics, arts, etc. The good news is, everybody has the hidden capability to become a Buddha. It is called Buddha Nature in Zen Buddhism. The Buddha Nature in the ordinary people has been covered up by “weeds” which grow thicker by the days as the people learn to become normal or ordinary. If you are not normal in certain ways, you will be rejected by the society. For example, if you have no empathy, you will be despised by others. The pressures make you see reality through the same lens as everybody else; you accept the same definitions of good vs. bad, beautiful vs. ugly, musical vs. noisy, fragrant vs. foul, delicious vs. yucky, smooth vs. rough, logical vs. illogical, big vs. small, long vs. short, good vs. bad, precious vs. cheap, etc. The recognition of the different divisions happen in our brains, and thereafter create various emotional disturbances. The naming is given by us, i.e. our doing to the Nature, for our purposes. The naming is flaw and has a lot of limitations. In other words, we view reality as being divided. What are the things that seem to be terrible? Nothing is terrible, actually, if we don’t make it so. Boon Kuan Chung’s answer to The Buddha teaches that the cause of all suffering is desire. But what about suffering from cancer or other illnesses? How does that connect to desire?

It is possible for everyone to become a Buddha. You don’t have to become a monk. First, you must make the decision to become extraordinary. Next, you must walk the path yourself, to reach the island of happiness where there is no suffering (彼岸). The ordinary people are afloat in the bitter sea. If you start swimming, you will probably reach the island. You may get there faster if you receive some helps from a friendly giant turtle (aka a good teacher). You need to let go (布施/舍弃) of everything (let go of external wealth, knowledge, and energy; and let go of emotional attachments to your body and your love ones) and have no desire (无欲), except the desire to reach the island. If you are doubtful, you might give up halfway; then you will never reach the destination. If you have other desire, it will lead you to the wrong direction. The more desire you have, the further you will drift away from the sea shore. If you remind yourself to minimize your desire, you will be able to come back to the sea shore, and you will be able to start swimming towards the island when you are ready.

Even if you don’t manage to reach the destination, it’s ok. The fun is in the journey and not the destination or the end. When you have the ability to see reality as it is instead of what you wish it to be, nothing will make you feel terrible. That means you can be happy every second of the day, regardless of external circumstances. We never really lose anything, because nothing belongs to us, including our bodies and our love ones. Be objectless, therefore have no attachment. No dirt can attach to an objectless entity (like vacuum or nothingness); dirt can only attach to your body, which really just a vehicle and not who you really are.

Love and attachment are two different things; most people mistaken that more attachment must come with more love. Instead, more attachment may sometime mean more “ownership” rather than love. You can have friends, but you don’t have to cling on to any emotional attachment, hence no mourning of the loss or death of a friend. No worry about the future. WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR