Table of Content: HOW TO RAISE A RESILIENT KID: I AM NOT RIGHT BUT THAT’S OK

Happiness is a choice. If you choose to be unhappy, nothing and no one can make you happy; for the simple reason that your heart (and brain) is under your control and no one else. Like moving your hand, you can control your heart to have any feeling which you want, theoretically. Unfortunately, you are probably not born with the ability to control your heart, just like you cannot walk immediately after you were born. Although you were fascinated to see the adults could walk freely wherever they wanted, you had no idea how to do it. You started to think it would be nice if you could do the same. You learnt to desire for something which others have. You needed adults to guide you how to walk, but you yourself had to walk the path. You probably felt frustrated when you failed. Finally, you felt happy when you could walk on your own. You kept practicing, enjoying the freedom to move around, and then you could run.

You see the success of someone. You learn to desire for the same success, thinking that it is a good thing to have. Maybe someone tells you that everybody needs to have success, but you are the one who decided that you need it in order to be happy. You program your mind to live up to it, although it is not a basic need for happiness to be felt; you didn’t need this kind of success to feel happy earlier. It is like you suddenly cannot walk simply because you convinced yourself that you must have a crutch. You make yourself unhappy when your desire is not fulfilled; you mentally disable yourself. There are two solutions: (1) lower your desire or target, (2) work harder to achieve the target. Which is the easiest way? The first one, of course. Unfortunately, you might choose the second one because of greed, or hate the lower target, or parent/peer pressure, or worrying about the future, etc. You try to live someone’s else life instead of your own; you want to be someone else.

It is your desire for success which causes your suffering. When you have no desire, every little victory can make you happy. However, not all desires are bad. To have no desire, you must first have the desire to have no desire. Like the desire to walk, you won’t need that desire anymore when you finally can walk. When you naturally have no desire, you do not need to keep reminding yourself to have no desire. You have to walk the path yourself, and you will then enjoy the freedom.

Not desiring for success doesn’t mean you won’t get it. Not desiring to get old, get ill, and die doesn’t mean you won’t get it. When you have the ability to be happy every second of the day, of course you will be keen to live. When nothing can make you unhappy, including death, you can do anything in the journey of your life. Live as if you are going to die tomorrow (i.e. be happy now before it is too late), but learn as if you are going to live forever. Don’t waste your life feeling unhappy or chase for unnecessary things. If you deserve to die tomorrow, let it be. If you deserve to get success, let it be. Don’t chase for success; let success come and chase you. You will probably get greater success than anybody you know. Learn for the fun of learning; for the mental ability to gain intelligence and prajna, which will then give you the ability to have no desire. Learning Buddhism sacred texts alone may not be sufficient for your case compared to others. Learn anything and everything to have the ability to help others effectively. Enjoy the victory and happiness of helping people.

SUCCESS AND FAILURE 成和败

Similarly, money is not a basic need for happiness to be felt. Driving a car is not essential for you to go from one place to another. However, driving is definitely easier than walking long distance. Having money is easier for happiness to be felt, provided the price (in terms of mind and body) to pay in order to obtain money is not suffering. This is call Right Livelihood in the Noble Eight-fold Path. Middle path is recommended in Buddhism.

Table of Content: HOW TO RAISE A RESILIENT KID: I AM NOT RIGHT BUT THAT’S OK

I answered a similar question yesterday. Boon Kuan Chung’s answer to Do you think Chinese philosophies could benefit society today?

There are many ancient Chinese philosophies. Most of them are classified into ten families (九流十家). You can read more on Wikipedia if you are interested.

Chinese philosophies were mostly developed during the Zhou Dynasty 3000 years ago. Like philosophies in the West, the fact that they still garner a lot of interest means that they are definitely still relevant and beneficial today. However, nothing is perfect, and no one can cover every aspect of human lives. There are many elements in each philosophy. Whether an element is applicable in the modern world depends on Dao (道), Time (天), Space (地), and People (人) (as explained in the earlier answer).

The reason ancient philosophies are still applicable today is human never change. Individual may change over time, but the behaviors of human as a whole are still the same. Some individuals are intelligent, but human as a whole still have the same primitive mentality. The only thing we learnt from history is we learnt nothing. People study history, some learnt the lessons, but yet human continue to make similar mistakes over and over again. History doesn’t repeat itself but it certainly rhymes. The world have gone through so many financial crises, yet another is coming soon. The world have had so many bad experiences with wars, yet another is starting. No one can change this pattern. Daoism and Buddhism teach us to see reality as it is instead of what we wish it to be. Everything happens the way it is, which is the way it should be according to Dao or Karma; your opinion of whether it is wrong, or unfair, or shouldn’t have happened, etc. and your emotion of sad or angry are redundant and irrelevant. Nothing can change what has already happened, or what has became a reality. If you are wise, you would save those useless emotional suffering and move on. Only what you do now can change the future, but the outcome may still be different or even opposite to what you expected. You must not do something for the sake of doing something. Other philosophies teach you how to save yourself and spare your family from the punishments which you don’t deserved. You can try to save others, although the efforts may be futile. Only arrogant individual is so sure he can change the world; he believes he must be the one to do it and not someone else. The fact is, no one and no government can save the world; only the people can save the world if they are able, willing, and ready. Education is the key, especially in the area of Philosophy. Focusing on Finance and Science is the greatest mistake, although these subjects are important. Financial weapon-of-mass-destruction is as bad as nuclear weapon-of-mass-destruction. Without youths who are empowered with philosophical minds to understand that selflessness is the greatest selfishness, the world will continue to experience the cycle of up and down, and cycle of birth and death. The difference between religion and philosophy is: philosophy in general is the rational investigation of truth, whereas religion often makes the same kind of truth claims but doesn’t claim to base it on reason or rationality, but instead it is based on other things like faith. Hope is never a good strategy. You must never rely on hope alone. Because religions demand for obedience and belief without proof, we have seen how these were misused for massacres in the history of mankind, and it is still happening today. Religions are still misused by politicians and religious leaders to lead the people on the road to perdition.

What is useful and what is useless? Useful and Useless If you don’t know how to use a tool, it is useless to you; but it is really useful to someone else who knows how to use it. Being a person who is useful to others may make you useless to yourself in the sense that you tend to neglect yourself and your family, and lead to your suffering. Helping others must be a happy thing to do; which is possible and only possible if you are able, willing, and ready to do it. Able includes but not limited to the abilities in terms of mind and body. An able mind here includes but not limited to the abilities to feel the joy of giving, expect nothing in return, therefore no emotional disturbance on the outcome whether it is favorable or not. These are what I learned from Daoism, Buddhism, and Confucianism. A philosophical element may be useful when you use it at the right Dao (道), Time (天), Space (地), and People (人).

Yi Jing (易经) teaches us three important spirits: Simple (简易), Constantly Changing (变易), and Something Never Change (不易). Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler than it should. Everything is changing; don’t do the same thing and expect the same outcome when the experimental or environment conditions have changed. Although everything is changing, something never change. For example, the sun will rise again tomorrow in the East, after sunset today in the West. Human never change; most will continue to be burnt by fires of greed, hatred, and delusion in their hearts. It is foolish to say the only thing which doesn’t change is change itself.

Why ancient Chinese philosophies are useful? Chinese philosophies were all developed after the primitive age 3000 years ago when people were totally fed up with gods, especially due to ceremonies of human sacrifices and inequality gap between religious leaders (aka the ruling class) and the ordinary people. The rhetoric to topple the Shang Dynasty was: human is the top most priority in the hierarchy of all things, including gods (人是万物之灵). The religious leaders killed their religion by giving it such a bad reputation so much so that the people stop respecting the gods. When a religion has a bad reputation, the believers really can’t blame non-believers for being xenophobic or discriminating believers although it is not their fault; like a badly reputed product which is rejected by the market although it is not really bad. After the establishment of Zhou Dynasty, there was no more human sacrifice, although some noble families still secretly did it. Chinese culture was founded, as it is practiced today, although there were many changes over time; something change and something never change. All Chinese philosophies have one common thread: putting the happiness of human at the center of everything (以人为本). Most of them are related to Collectivism, while a few are related to Individualism. Hence, Chinese philosophies are only appealing to Eastern cultures and not so to the Westerners. If you are a hardcore Individualist, you will probably rubbish off Chinese philosophies as nonsense.

Socialism/Communism which is a type of Collectivism ideology can only work when the people are mostly Collectivists. Collectivists despise selfishness, therefore dislike Capitalism, although many Collectivists are secretly selfish or deny being selfish. Individualists and Capitalists are openly selfish; they don’t think there is anything wrong for being selfish. Adam Smith said: “Every individual necessarily labours to render the annual revenue of the society as great as he can. He generally neither intends to promote the public interest, nor knows how much he is promoting it … He intends only his own gain, and he is in this, as in many other cases, led by an invisible hand to promote an end which was no part of his intention. Nor is it always the worse for society that it was no part of his intention. By pursuing his own interest he frequently promotes that of the society more effectually than when he really intends to promote it. I have never known much good done by those who affected to trade for the public good.” Collectivists are brainwashed to love others, and some to the extend of sacrificing themselves for Collective good. True Confucian finds happiness in giving instead of taking; he/she loves being compassionate (仁) and lives up to it. True Confucian wishes to be known and remembered in the history as a gentleman (君子) more than anything else. Only this kind of individual can be entrusted with the dictatorial power of Socialism/Communism. Only when the society has a large pool of true Confucians that it is possible to find someone suitable to become the Supreme Leader, and many more to run the government machinery. Only when the people are mostly Collectivists that it is possible to have massive number of hardworking people who work to feed others rather than waiting for government welfare. Individualists distrust each others because Selfishness is their gospel; Confucians trust each others (although not 100%) because they despise selfishness; being caught for selfishness is a shameful thing. Hence, by extension, Confucians trust their government (although not 100%). No general election is necessary. Democracy is a failure after all, because the next President will also be an idiot. There is no guarantee that a good President will ever be elected after many rounds of general election. Anybody who looks good can stand for election. The one who makes the best promises of social welfare will be elected. People have short memory; they soon forget that the promises were never kept. People always get the leader which they deserve, whether Democracy or not. If the people are good, the leader will likely be good. If the people are not good (for example, they treat the government as cash cow), they can never get a good leader because they don’t deserve it.

Of course, there are many hypocrite Collectivists around. Socialism/Communism will be a failure if the people are mostly hypocrites. “Democracy is the worst form of government, except for all the others.” Democracy is the cleanest clothes in the laundry basket that you must choose if the society is not ready for Socialism.

Table of Content: HOW TO RAISE A RESILIENT KID: I AM NOT RIGHT BUT THAT’S OK

People all over the world accept Abrahamic religions not because these come from a Middle East country; they accept Buddhism not because it comes from India. People do not think about where the religions originated from, although they know; racism has no place in religions. They accept them because the religions benefit them in many ways of their lives. Indians are not easily instigated by nationalists to reject Christianity, for example, and accept Hinduism simply because Hinduism is a national product while Christianity is a foreign religion. All religions, Abrahamic or otherwise, belong to all the people of the world or global citizens. Similarly, Chinese philosophies belong to global citizens. If the word “Chinese” is highlighted, some people will tend to reject and attack the philosophies. People also criticize unfamiliar philosophies because of different cultural backgrounds, and different distinctions of right and wrong. For example, Collectivists dislike the ideas of Individualism; similarly, Individualists despise the ideas of Collectivism. What is right and what is wrong? It is a matter of opinion, although sometime the different camps concur with each other. Right is wrong if it causes chaos; wrong is right if it creates harmony. Not every element of a particular philosophy is beneficial to a society in different time and space. Some are beneficial in the past but not today; some are beneficial in China but not in America. According to Daoism or Dao De Jing of Lao Zi, everything depends on Dao (道), Time (天), Space (地), and People (人). According to Sun Zi Art of War, the keys to win a war (not just a hundred battles) are Dao (道), Time (天), Space (地), Leader (将), and Method (法). Methods come from Leaders, and Leaders come from People. In this respect, Sun Zi and Lao Zi are similar. By the way, although Sun Zi wrote about Art of War, it was really about love for the people. He emphasized Dao, which he meant the people agreed with the government on the decision to fight a war; it meant the war was for Collective interest of the people and the government, such as self-defense, offense as the best self-defense, and fight for justice (义战). Sun Zi said: “For to win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the acme of skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill.” He didn’t like killing. He wrote that the essential qualities of a leader are: intelligent (智), trustworthiness (信), compassion (仁), courage (勇), and strict enforcement of laws (严).

What I am saying is Chinese philosophies are not the cure-all solutions for all problems. However, there are surely many elements which can be learnt to benefit any society. Earlier, I wrote an answer which mentioned the core of Confucianism and Daoism. Boon Kuan Chung’s answer to According to the Taoism and Confucianism, what is the unforgivable sin? Essentially, the most prominent Chinese philosophies are related to Collectivism. Legalism (法家) disagree with Moism (墨家). Legalism is essentially Fascism, and Moism is essentially Communism. Nevertheless, they all have one common objective: Collective good. The ruler is secure, everybody has food and shelter, and the society is peaceful. Individual freedom takes a back seat. Collective interest trumps individual interest. However, that doesn’t mean no freedom. There is no such thing as unlimited individual freedom, and there is no perfect justice. Freedom and justice are like negative and positive charges; both must exist in a balancing act. More social justice will lead to more freedom. Too little social justice will lead to too little freedom, and vice versa.

Socialism works in China for a reason which is related to Chinese philosophies. Chinese people are mostly brainwashed or mentally conditioned to accept Collectivism and reject Individualism. Capitalism works in America because Americans are mostly brainwashed to accept Individualism and reject Collectivism. It doesn’t mean Individualists don’t care about Collective good; Individualists think that Individualism is the only way to ensure Collective good. Is Collectivism more superior than Individualism? Right is wrong if it causes chaos; wrong is right if it creates harmony. Pure Socialism will not work in America; similarly, pure Capitalism will not work in China.

Brainwash is not always bad. It is good if it clean up the brain; it is bad if it make the brain more dirty (like washing the clothes with dirty water). Collectivism and Individualism are like two different cleaning chemicals, but there are numerous brands in the market; some are better than the others in a certain way. For any philosophy to benefit the society, the People is an important factor. And to prepare the People for a particular ideology, education or brainwashing is a precondition. We are all brainwashed, and yet we think we have freedom of thought. You are truly mentally free when you stop distinguishing between right and wrong.

Table of Content: HOW TO RAISE A RESILIENT KID: I AM NOT RIGHT BUT THAT’S OK

Be forgiving is the core of Confucianism. A disciple, Zi Gong, asked: “Is there one word to guide a person in everything he does in his whole life?” Confucius replied: “Forgive! Don’t do unto others what you don’t want others to do unto you.” 论语˙卫灵公：“子贡问曰：‘有一言而可以终身行之者乎？’子曰：‘其恕乎！己所不欲，勿施于人。’ Everybody makes mistakes. Forgive others since you don’t want others to be unforgiving toward you. However, being forgiven doesn’t mean not making compensation or not paying the price for your mistake, or not getting the punishment from the laws. It means your sincere apology is accepted and you are ready to repent (by going to jail without hesitation, for example). Similarly, forgiving someone means you are no longer angry at him. You accept the fact that he has gotten what he deserves. You stop punishing yourself with any fire of anger in your heart. Forgive others for your own happiness, because you deserve it; regardless of whether that someone who offended you deserves your forgiveness. In the original Confucianism of Confucius, no sin is unforgivable. Anybody who committed a sin will get his punishment from the Heaven (or Natural Laws) eventually, in one way or another, even if the policemen fail to catch him. Let the Heaven (or Natural Laws) does its job; don’t take the Laws into your own hands and try to punish someone on behalf of the Heaven (or Natural Laws). Let the judge does the judging, and the Court does the sentencing. Don’t feel unhappy for the “lack” of punishment; it is just your opinion which may not necessarily be the truth. Insisting on death penalty only cause more suffering to the victims in the sense that they feel no closure and no blissfulness forever for their lost. Being calculative instead of having contentment is the cause of all suffering.
One day, Confucius told his disciple, Zeng Shen: “Shen, my philosophies can all be related by one fundamental principle.” Zeng Shen replied: “Understood.” After Confucius left, the other disciples asked Zeng Shen: “What is the meaning?” Zeng Shen said: “The philosophies of our teacher can all be related to Honesty and Forgiveness.” (子曰： “参乎，吾道一以贯之。” 曾子曰： “唯。” 子出，门人问曰： “何谓也？” 曾子曰： “夫子之道，忠恕而已矣。”) Honesty (忠) means truly coming from the heart (忠于事，忠于言，忠于人，忠于己). Loyalty is an act of dishonesty if it doesn’t come from the heart; although some people like it that way regardless. When you are honest, to yourself and to others, everything you said comes from your heart. Nothing is artificial or pretentious, although you may not be right all the time. You will be honest to the king as much as being honest to the people. You will be honest in doing your job, and never make any promise that you don’t intend to keep. You will be honest to yourself, be who you are and not pretend to be someone you are not. If your heart is full of the capacity to forgive, you will be able to tolerate differences and not insist on conformance, although you like people to show good manners.
Unconditional love is the core of Daoism. Lao Zi said: “There are three important principles that I uphold with determination: the first is unconditional love for others; the second is thrifty, emotionally and financially; the third is dare not compete to become a world leader. One who has unconditional love will be able to be courageous. One who is thrifty will be able to reach out more widely. One who dares not compete to become a world leader will be able to lead the accomplishment of various tasks. If we abandon unconditional love but only behave courageously; abandon thrifty but still try to reach out widely; abandon compromise and stay behind but be the first to start a fight; we will face great danger. A leader with unconditional love for his people will be able to win when he goes to a war; have a sturdy defense against aggressors when he set up a defensive wall. When the Heaven/Nature wants to fortify something, it will use unconditional love to sustain it.” (我恒有三宝，持而保之：一曰慈，二曰俭，三曰不敢为天下先。慈故能勇，俭故能广， 不敢为天下先，故能成事长。今舍其慈，且勇；舍其俭，且广；舍其后，且先；则必死矣。夫慈，以战则胜，以守则固。天将健之，如以慈垣之。) In the original Daoism of Lao Zi, no sin is unforgivable. Instead, everybody and everything is lovable. However, that doesn’t mean you don’t defend yourself and your love ones. Defeating the enemy is never about anger or unforgiving feeling; it must be out of love for your family. You can win a hundred battles with hatred, but you can never win a war without love, including love for the soldiers of the enemy.
Lao Zi said: “The net of the Heaven/Nature is extraordinarily wide; there are many loopholes but it never fails to capture anything.” (天网恢恢 疏而不失) Love and forgiveness are the greatest self-interest. Anybody who has no love and no forgiveness will only burn himself. It is the Laws of Heaven/Nature. Only foolish people think that the almighty God need helps from human to protect the religion by defining what sins are unforgivable and punishing people who committed the crimes against the almighty God.
Lao Zi said: “Repay betrayal or hatred with benevolence.” (报怨以德) Lao Zi, an Atheist, seems more lovely than many unforgiving Theists.

Table of Content: HOW TO RAISE A RESILIENT KID: I AM NOT RIGHT BUT THAT’S OK

I was asked: “What do you view as so important, that life without it would be meaningless?”

My answer: Joy of living, of course. If one has no joy living, naturally he/she will feel meaningless to continue living. Joy of living was born with everyone. Some people forgot about it; some lost it; some tried to look for it, oblivious of the fact that it is inside each and everyone of us, therefore it cannot be found elsewhere. Just like our hands are under our control, our brain is also under our control. You can be happy only if you choose to be happy; nobody and nothing can make you happy if you choose to be unhappy.

I know some people cannot see the point of life. They are suffering every second of the day trying to figure out why they cannot be happy or how to be happy. This kind of suffering is due to desire or wish for a different reality; i.e. refusal to accept reality. They want something; and sometime they don’t know what they want. The suffering will cease when one stop having desire. The first step is to see reality as it is, not what we wish it to be. The wise thing to do is to live life happily, regardless of what happens in the surrounding and the world.

Boon Kuan Chung’s answer to Is life pointless? If God exists, is He the only point to life, and can he give meaning to meaningless people?

Just live and help others. If you can help others in any way, even just to put a smile on your face or the faces of others, that mean you are already in the midst of abundance. Don’t think about getting anything. Stop thinking, and start living. Just give whatever you can give spontaneously, and you will get what you deserved to get. Don’t chase for success; let success come and chase you.

Table of Content: HOW TO RAISE A RESILIENT KID: I AM NOT RIGHT BUT THAT’S OK

The most meaningful or purposeful goal to have in life is to become Enlightened in the sense that you feel blissful every second of the day. Nothing can hurt you or make you suffer anymore; not even cancer or other illnesses which may cause pain. Pain is certain, suffering is optional. Is that possible? Of course it is. The first Buddha did it, and many subsequent Buddhas or Bodhisattva did it. However, you don’t have to become a monk in order to achieve Enlightenment. You don’t even have to achieve the goal to feel the blissfulness; you just need to go on the journey towards Enlightenment. The fun is in the journey and not the destination; although mostly around the destination. A little bit of suffering wouldn’t kill you; you may not need total blissfulness. In fact, if you stress yourself so much to achieve the goal, you will never achieve it. Desire to Have no desire can be a suffering. Desire to Have No Desire.

Zen Buddhism believes that everybody has the same capacity to become a Buddha. That capacity may have been masked off by all kinds of greed, hatred, and delusion in the case of the common people (前念迷，即凡夫). Only the enlightened few unmask the Buddha capacity/nature (佛性) and become Buddha themselves (后念悟，即佛). In other words, to realize oneself as “God” is the first step. I think It’s right but it’s not

Having a goal in your life is important. However, not every goal is meaningful to your life. We were all brainwashed (by the schools and society) to chase for so many things which are not meaningful in our lives, although useful in some instances: successes, money, colorful material, colorful life, fame, abundant of delicious foods, and abundant of leisure. We never ask whether we really need them, or these are really necessary without which we definitely cannot be happy. We are like running on a big circular track, chasing carrots or running away from our shadows, not knowing where is the end. We don’t know when to stop, until our bodies fail and force us to stop. An Enlightened person would sit blissfully at the center of the circular track, observing with amusement and pity, watching the fools who run around the circle and refuse to stop. An Enlightened person is awakened to the fact that he is already in the midst of abundance. We already have everything which we need to live a meaningful life. If we are contented with what we already have, we will not be afraid to die tomorrow. I am so lucky to be born a human. I am so lucky to be loved; everything else is secondary. I count nothing as my own, including my body, therefore I am not afraid to lose anything. We never really lose anything, because nothing really belongs to us. Like dust falling onto our bodies, we don’t have to give it to anybody either. If we are not afraid to die tomorrow, there will be no more fear which we cannot handle; we can choose to fear and also not to fear. That doesn’t mean we are not keen to live. If we accept the possibility of us dying tomorrow, the wise thing to do is to be happy now as much as we can before the time runs out; but of course, we don’t want to do stupid things (like taking drugs, alcohol, playing dangerous games, etc.) which will shorten our remaining happy time. If you are blissful, naturally you want to continue to be blissful as if you will live forever. Worrying will not change the reality; do take the appropriate actions as you see fit, minus any worry. No fear, obligation and guilt (F.O.G). Get up and running for the sake of exercising, but rest as you need. Keep whatever that is useful to your health, in terms of mind and body, but never assume anything is essential or indispensable; no desire, no not-desire, no envy. Live naturally.

You are already rich when you are in a position to give. That is truly a happy feeling. The feeling of being able to help others is self-satisfying. In other words, helping others is a self-interest, or a “selfish” thing to do. This kind of selfishness is the greatest selfishness, known by the world as selflessness. You will feel happy doing seemingly unselfish things if you have no expectation about the outcome. Do it with no F.O.G. Don’t do it if you are not happy doing it. Live naturally. Giving alms to monks should be a happy thing to do; the monks are doing us a favor by giving us an opportunity to give and feel happy standing on a moral high-ground. They have no duty to thank us. People who are financially rich often desire to get more from others. They are poor in one way, similar to a beggar who asks for donation. People who drive big cars but always expect others to give way to them are poor in the same way. A truly giant individual (大人) helps and give ways to everybody. A little guy (小人) can feel euphoric (but not happy) only when he receives something from others.

The easiest way to become a truly giant individual (大人) is to have children, or someone to love. Do get married and have children. You can then enjoy the happiness of living a pure unselfish life. Children are the best recipients of your love and gifts; they will never question your sincerity or suspicious of your good intentions. You will be loved, although you never think about any return-on-investment. Be “selfish”, for your own happiness; so long as it doesn’t infringe on the rights of others. Do it with no F.O.G. Don’t do it if you are not happy doing it. Live naturally. Count nothing as your own.

Table of Content:HOW TO RAISE A RESILIENT KID: I AM NOT RIGHT BUT THAT’S OK

The concept of proton and electron is an example of Yin and Yang. You mustn’t say which is good and which is bad. You mustn’t like one and hate the other. Both must exist in balance. Too much proton may be bad; the same goes for the case of electron.

Yin and Yang are not real things. You may say Yin represents electron and Yang represents proton, but it is just one way of representation. Yin and Yang may also represent other conceptual “things” which are opposing yet complementary. It is used in Chinese healthcare, social relationships, military strategy, and other aspects of life. Nobody claims it is a science; therefore it doesn’t need any proof. It is just a “tool” to help us visualize certain theory; like the way we visualize electric flux coming out of proton and going into electron, or we visualize magnetic flux coming out of North pole and going into South pole of a magnet. In reality, the flux doesn’t exist; it is just a way of visualization to ease theoretical analysis. All theories that can be described with words are not right; but they are not wrong, and they are not useless. Able to prove it in experiment setting doesn’t necessarily mean it is right. Electromagnetic Theory is not right because there are physical phenomena where it fails to explain, therefore Quantum Mechanics or General Theory of Relativity have to be applied accordingly. Yet, it doesn’t mean Quantum Mechanics or General Theory of Relativity is right; they are just not wrong. “Wrong” thing can be useful.

In conclusion, the concept of Yin and Yang is philosophically useful. Everything is about balancing, yet everything is not right, including this generalization. Contradiction doesn’t have to be view as a problem.

自性能含万法是大，万法在诸人性中。若见一切人恶之与善，尽皆不取不舍，亦不染著，心如虚空名之为大，故约‘摩诃’。

Zen Buddhism believes that everybody has the same capacity to become a Buddha. That capacity may have been masked off by all kinds of greed, hatred, and delusion in the case of the common people (前念迷，即凡夫). Only the enlightened few unmask the Buddha capacity/nature (佛性) and become Buddha themselves (后念悟，即佛). The Buddha capacity is so big that it can accommodate all the different ways and thoughts created by different individuals. When one with the truly big accommodative capacity see any “bad” and “good” behaviors of all common people, he will not favor or disfavor them, and his emotion will not be affected. His heart is like the empty space of the Universe which can accommodate everything.

无常者，即佛性也；有常者，即一切善恶诸法分别心也。

In the Buddha’s heart, there are no permanent generalizations of good and bad. The existence of generalizations is due to judgmental behaviors of common people to make false definitions of good and bad. There is actually no problem for “good” and “bad” to coexist. Contradiction is not a problem if the heart is accommodative like the Universe.

There is a story about a man selling a spear and a shield by the roadside. He tells the crowd that his spear is the sharpest in the world that it can penetrate any shield. He then tells the crowd that his shield is the hardest in the world that no weapon can penetrate it. This prompted a spectator to ask: “If you use your spear to stab your shield, what would happen?” Of course, either the spear is really the sharpest or the shield is really the hardest. There seems to be a contradiction here. However, why do we have to make the two fight out just for the sack of proving who will win? What good does it make? Why can’t we keep both the spear and the shield as they are instead of destroying one of them? Similarly, why do we have to debate or argue about who is right? Is the “truth” really needed? Is the “truth” always the truth? Right is only right at the specific time, space and circumstance. Right is wrong if it causes chaos. Wrong is right if it creates harmony.

Contradiction is not necessarily a problem. When you enter a sport competition, of course you want to win. But you can at the same time don’t want to win. This can probably increase your chance to win. If you want to win the game so much, you may become anxious and nervous. You may fear making mistake, therefore become too careful that you dare not express yourself honestly and completely; unlike what you did during training. If you at the same time convince yourself that you don’t care if you lose the game, you may probably do better.

When you love someone, you can at the same time don’t love him/her. You can express your love for him/her, but at the same time convince yourself that you don’t care if you lose him/her. You can then express yourself honestly and completely. That someone you love can be yourself. You can love your body, live your life to the fullest possible, and take care of your health physically and mentally. But you can at the same time convince yourself that you don’t care if you die tomorrow. Learn as if you are going to live forever; live as if you are going to die tomorrow. Be happy every single second.

If you want to become enlightened, but at the same time you convince yourself that you don’t care if you don’t succeed, you may increase your chance of success. Forget about becoming a Bodhisattva; be one.

须菩提，于意云何？阿罗汉能作是念，我得阿罗汉果否？须菩提言，否也，世尊。何以故？实无有法名阿罗汉，世尊，若阿罗汉作是念，我得阿罗汉道，即为着我、人、众生、寿者。

If you are still asking whether you have become an Arahant, that means you are yet to become an Arahant . If you think you have become an Arahant, that means you are yet to become an Arahant, because you still have Earthly desire to become something. A true Arahant will have long forgotten about his desire to become an Arahant, and live as an Arahant. Everything that has a beginning will have an ending. Only nothingness has no beginning and no ending.

Table of Content: HOW TO RAISE A RESILIENT KID: I AM NOT RIGHT BUT THAT’S OK

No government can do any good if the people are not good. For the prosperity of a country, the people must be empowered to pursue their happiness by themselves. A million fingers are stronger than a fist. While the large open market, leader selection process, government planning, and political system are important, a big part of the credits for China’s success should go to the people. The people are good because the Chinese culture is resilient. The book recommended above is an excellent description of the founders and foundation of Chinese culture. It started at the beginning of Zhou Dynasty in 1046 BC after the toppling of Shang Dynasty. The culture was largely kept until today. In the past 3000 years, no barbarians had ever ruled China for more than 100 years; they were either pushed back to where they came from, or they became Chinese themselves. Chinese culture does not belong to people of Chinese country. Chinese culture belongs to all civilized people of the world. Everybody can become a Chinese. Everybody can become a Chinese.

Since the beginning of Zhou Dynasty, the people were educated to understand the “Mandate of the Heaven” (君权天授), and that the “Heaven” see and listen through the people (天视自我民视，天听自我民听). If the people despise the government, the “Heaven” will change the government and lead to a change of Dynasty. This has two effects: (1) it legitimizes the people to topple the government (like Zhou Dynasty did, and what the CCP did) if the government doesn’t care about the people (the people can disregard what the laws say otherwise), (2) the government must put the peoples’ interest as the top priority. If a Dynasty fall, it is the fault of the previous government; it is the doing of the “Heaven” through the people. The “Heaven” then gives the Mandate to a new government. Every government knows it must respect the people, and rule the Middle Kingdom with morals and ethics (以人为本、以德治国).

The Chinese culture is based on “Collectivism” (群体至上). The interest of the people, therefore the country, is above the interest of individual. This is the reason why Nationalism is so strong in China. The country belongs to the people. The people are loyal to the Emperor because they love their family; they are loyal to the country because of the interest of their family. They know their family will not survive if the country is in chaos; the family will prosper if the country is in order (一荣俱荣 一损俱损). It is not blind loyalty. The business of China is a gigantic family business.

The requirement to rule the country with morals and ethics necessarily entails high morality requirement on the leaders. That means the leader must be a Sage, ideally; nothing to do with God or religion. Chinese admire Sages, who are humans and not God. Hierarchy and Harmony are maintained via codes of conduct and art (礼和乐), respectively. An individual is judged by his conduct, and not his words. Therefore, Chinese are very realistic (or materialistic) (现实精神). I am your friend only if you are friendly to me (even if you are a God); I will not hesitate to change my friend (or God) if you are not friendly to me.

Chinese are obsessed with peace and stability. They will do anything to avoid war (including paying bribe to the barbaric aggressors), but at the same time they are not afraid to go to war if that is what it takes to ensure the safety of their family. They care for their family more than the country; the love for their family is the source of their Nationalistic behavior. Similarly, they never wait for any welfare from the government (or the God) but strive to bring better life for their family. That is the reason why Socialism doesn’t fail in China; it is the people, not the government system. That is also why Socialism works in China; the government put the peoples’ interest as the top priority, and the people work with the government to ensure success of the gigantic “family business”. Socialism necessarily requires autocratic leader (like tiger mom), according to Ludwig von Mises. That is not necessarily a bad thing for China. One may say that China has always been a Socialist country with Capitalistic characteristics for 3000 years; Collectivism, centralization of power, autocratic, central planning. One-person-one-vote will spell the beginning of China’s decline.

Chinese culture respect honorable individuals more than ultra-riches. True leaders vow to be remembered in the history as honorable individuals. Because of this, Chinese culture produces a big pool of great leaders to be selected as the supreme leader. This is in contrast to some cultures which produces leaders who are only good at giving speeches, telling mythological stories, propagating lies, and making empty promises in front of large congregation. Mao Zedong, Deng Xiaoping, Hu Jintao, and Xi Jinping are all familiar with Yi Jing, Confucianism, Dao De Jing, Zhuang Zi, Sun Zi Art of War etc. If you do not know all these, your Chinese essay will not be taken seriously.

The “First Order” Empire may be able to conquer China with its military might. However, so long as the Chinese culture survive, Luke Skywalker will return and China will be resurrected.